warning: lots of words and mildly sensitive topics

HI!!!

this is all abt me so u can get 2 KNOW me better!

i am an ENFP, so I am crazy, energetic & OUTGOING!

but i can also b super QUIET & mysterious at the same time hehe :P

this is my BIG5.

also hiii did you know i am 92% turbulent? so please please please i KNOW i can be f*ckin ANNOYING but just TRY NOT 2 PRESSURE ME!!!!! thank you!!!!! :-)

IMPORTANT!!!!!

 (especially if u know me irl)*

Misophonia:

i have extremely severe misophonia, so if its seemed like I'm avoiding or isolating from you, please FFS, it's NOT because I hate you.

misophonia is a neurological disorder where certain sounds trigger a strong, often negative response. Those commonly include chewing and repetitive noises and so on.

im affected by chewing, repetitive noises (clocks ticking, alarms going off, microwave beeping), burping, lip smacking, sniffling and gulping.

those sounds will often make me cry, get really angry, go into intense panic attacks, make me scream, tremble and sometimes i'll run around or even start hurting others, seriously that is something i hate doing so i would really love it if you kept a bit of distance in certain times.

what it feels like:

some sounds are quite literally hypnotic, its kind of personified, like 5 different people are there yelling at me to do different things and pressuring me too, making me lost in the sounds causing me to lose my ability to think. It feels like im being stabbed in the ears or something, I dont really know...

I always end up feeling really stupid afterwards, whether I screamed or ran or maybe even kicked someone it's always so hard to explain shit because im scared they may laugh or think im making up excuses and shit or tell me things like "theres no such thing". I mean, does: "i go into intense panic attacks when someone chews" sound believable?

(honestly i dont know how im even able to openly blog about this)

Misophonia SUCKS. People look at me weird and some people have even laughed when ive told them... idk, chewing makes me PANICKED. It makes me feel like an alien, and it's ruining my social life as well as how I generally act or behave towards people. It's made me anxious in certain events like going to a restaurant, and it's incredibly awful and difficult to deal or just generally live with. im just getting more and more anxious and antisocial and introverted its so fucking depressing to deal with

*if you know me irl and have noticed any of those please try to tone down or just leave me alone i dont hate you at all its just really hard to live with this.

*i tend to still be affected even after there's no more trigger sounds mainly because of a panic attack, im unable to control those and it will take me a while to recover. its okay to feel frustrated but please try to be patient. the sound will also replay in my head for the next few mins which is why i may still look like im hearing things

If you suspect you have misophonia or have it (it is usually self diagnosable), and theres a possible time we ever meet, trust me I’m not the best person to hang around with cause i have realised i am not so quiet myself :( 

let's give eachother a hug (WITHOUT CHEWING GUM OF COuRSE!!!!!!)

I also have a misophonia related disorder called misokinesia. Essentially, i react the same by seeing the following movements: chewing, repetitive blinking lights, repetitive movements/actions, certain fidgets, certain body movements (e.g tongue/teeth sticking out). turns out i've actually had it for a fairly long time, since childhood is the earliest i remember but its possible it goes even earlier than that.

sooo yeah if ur a GUM CHEWR i prolly h8 u LOL :p

Mental Health:

yep, a lot of people have problems w/ mental health. so do I, we all do, sometimes i think that the whole world is depressed, i actually dont know anyone who isn't.

Sometimes I can be a bit... concerning when im not feeling so well and if I do end up "self deprecating" or venting i really would love for you to please ignore me because i cannot control myself and honestly get very uncomfortable when someone worries. (i go to therapy so there is no need.) I understand it's a great thing to be there for someone struggling, and I appreciate that you're doing the best you can. Seriously it's sweet, thank you so much. 

But honestly, I don't feel really good either. It kind of freaks me out when someone worries because i dont want to harm them or ruin their mental health by venting. 

The only person i wish to talk to about my problems is my counsellor. I've already had 2 bad experiences with me venting (i am not going to state them as i am uncomfortable and so r the people involved.)

I know people behave differently and this could all not be true, i really understand that, but my previous experiences have put me in a bad place that i have still not recovered much from and made me lose trust in people, so please please please, repeating what i said, if i jump onto and ramble about my wellbeing PLEASE ignore it because i really cant control myself. Thank you so much.

(dude omg 2025 actually sux so you would expect me 2 vent a lot but please ignoring would help you, and it'll also help me by not making me feel bad for making u feel bad)

i also get a bit uncomfortable when others put themselves down or vent, im sorry that happened, but i am not the best person to ask assistance for as i am not a professional, but please if a mental health problem or situation is bothering you please go talk to someone you trust like a family friend, a teacher or doctor or call a helpline. 

i also wouldn't like it if someone opened up to me suddenly. I'm not going to be able to help you, and im going to feel very confused and scared. However, I appreciate your courage for reaching out.