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Now hold on! I'm not joking...entirely, so I need you to take a little seat in my boudoir!
Okay okay. Now that you're sat and comfortable for the words that I'm about to start spewing, I'd like to begin. So... Imagine there is an almost comical amount of ailments someone can have that sort of amounts to what fictionally (romanticized and otherwise) add up to a VAMPIRE!!!
I have so so so many food allergies. A lot of them are from medical issues and health issues, and so on and so forth accumulating over time. And stress is definitely a hallmark on those as well. So, I have an allergy to garlic.
I know. I'm really sad about it too. I ironically got it after buying 3lbs of garlic at Costco and eating... half of it... in the span of a month. DON'T FUCKING DO THAT 
. It was so good though.
But! If you have a garlic allergy then how is that completely delegated to being a vampire? You maybe asking. Remember the assortment of health issues I mentioned, yeah those also impede me from being able to be in direct sunlight. I thought it was a sunburn? Which is strange because I am not one to be burned by the sun, sunscreen or not. Therefore when I was horrifically covered in these itchy thick patches on my skin, I used a cream. It didn't work. At all. And it usually ALWAYS works. Always. Went to the doctor and found out that it would not be solved by creams and it was something akin to cysts?? Under my skin... ew. And it wouldn't go away! Okay they did eventually, but the point stands that I am so much more comfortable if I cover up my entire body in direct sunlight lest it happen again. I blame COVID. I think COVID makes you into a Vampire. This all happened after that.
What about the blood? Huh? Don't you need to suck blood fucker?
Does it count that I have a blood issue? An actual blood issue that impairs me into deep slumbers because I don't have enough blood in my body and what IS in my body kind of tries to kill me?#Chronic Illness
I'll update if I start drinking blood instead of my usual intense need for electrolytes... which seems like a fangtastic vegan substitute!
SO YES. I AM A VAMPIRE...technically?
Comments
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Lolver
eso es pasarse de edgy mi pana
grimsy
this seems fun im happy for u
just don't start drinking peoples blood,,, be draculara and do the right thing #saynotodrinkingblood
by grimsy; ; Report
M4GG07.
dude if you start drinking healthy people blood all your vampire features will go away !! so,, you wouldnt be a vampire anymore,, you'd just be a blood sucking human !!
pick your poison ig Xp
see now i thought of this, but then again im not sure i can afford that lifestyle in this economy!
by Cheezwiz; ; Report
its those damn zombies im tellin you, making it harder for everybody else 3
by M4GG07.; ; Report
species racism in 2025
by Rosesofblood; ; Report
Izzy
These can all be shrugged off ngl, but once you catch yourself saying bleh-bleh-bleh, it's game over: you really are a vampire.
certified coffee enjoyer
i CANNOT believe cheezwiz is team edward!!!
2 kudos for the epic update... ummm... this is epic????
I do not sparkle!! I repeat I DO NOT SPARKLE
by Cheezwiz; ; Report
this is the skin of a killer, meenah...
by certified coffee enjoyer; ; Report