Still missing them.

I mean it when i say i cant go a day without thinking of them both. i think of both of them all the time.

ive honestly come to the point where i dont think i even have to be vauge abt their names, because they dont even use spacehey on an active basis anyways, so i dont have to be worried if they'll see this post or not.

i miss ghostly and cinni the most. i miss them both the most.

i had to leave for their benefit, because i've started to realize that i became just too mentally unwell to even be around them because of what ive done to myself. i couldn't be the friend that keeps everyone happy anymore, i started venting too much, and thats not something i want to do. i want to help people more than i need to be helped myself. the amount needs to be 5 to 10,  i. hate. being vulnerable.

Ghostly, i dont even know if u think abt me the same way i view you. you honestly feel like another sibling to me and it sucks that the only way i feel like i can ever show my appreciation to u is by sending u gifts and stuff. you were honestly so sweet and funny and i still quote u sometimes to random ppl who dont even know u, like i still say "Ok what if i fucking killed you" every week bcs u would say it sm. you actually make me so happy thinking abt i and even if im not sure if u view me as important as i view u, ik u trust me a lot. even tho admittedly i HATE to open up nowadays, i trusted u a lot with things i said, and you did the same for me which honestly i respect so damn much. i wish u were genuinely my sister sometimes because i think the stuff u do is so cool and your probably like on the list of my favorite friends ever  and are a huge inspiration for my art and interests that i enjoy. out of everyone i know online ur the person i want to meet irl the most next to cinni, ur #1 on my list. i love u so dam much/p i wish i lived with u in AZ, tell Moth i hope he's doing well

Cinni, if i were to ask myself 2 years ago if i thought i would get as close to u as i am now, i would've just laughed in my face and brushed it off. you are litterally the best friend ever, i  love how sweet and understanding you can be, and also how much we have in common in general, u feel like the opposite side of my coin to me, and although we didn't last in our relationship, i still learned to care sm more abt u as a person because we were close friends before we dated, and honestly i  genuinely was so invested in u as a person rather than just liking u cuz u were my gf. so many people misunderstand who you are and i genuinely still think you have a heart of gold. you also inspired my art style and honestly the way i help and give advice to ppl in general, i've gotten better with my words and mainly expressing myself bcs of u and i think thats rlly important. i told u sm abt myself and i think you really deserve the best once ur an adult and have ur own place, i still love ur  cloudbound story and i made kandii bracelets for all the characters during my hiatus. Jax actually helped me find my new favorite show (Grojband) and its all thanks to u, Ily kez/p

i still long for the week where im able to be stable or not have something catastrophically life changing, and just today in the process of writing this blog, something crazy DID happen to me. so, i'll write abt that later.

miss u.

-Cozmite

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