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Something I typed up a couple years ago but never posted and just reframed today. Thought about one of my best friends, Vonna Saffyre, so much with this. She was a precious gem of a person that I miss so much
It's just a really heavy feeling
All over everywhere.
I look and feel the color all around me.
Raining in inky purples blues pinks and reds.
Melting in dark fluorescent greens.
Pooling all together for the black purple ache where she's supposed to be.
She's there.
They're there.
Just not here with me.
It's hard to breathe
under the metallic tinge of hurt
and remembering and loving and wishing
for things to reverse and finally
Be kinder. Be better. Be nicer.
It's hard to know
What to do
How to feel
What to say
Where to go
How to be
I overthink
My steps
My sounds
The way the pain makes its rounds
The music I string together to really put how
I feel what I do cuz words are so hard for me
Especially when my throat has such a knot
That makes it hard to breathe
I just keep looking through my tired eyes
and sometimes I don't even get what I see
I guess it's just me
Gripping my hand on a handrail
Feeling the bumps and grooves
Under my fingers
Heart beating so loud
I hear it over everything in my head
In my heart, in my step
The feelings stay ringing
I love and miss a lot.
I know I've been a lot.
I'm sorry I haven't been the best I should be.
Looking back
Thinking of what lacks
Feeling the ache of a century
It hurts to think of what could've been. I have happiness in my life. The sad's still there. Her smile's still such a sweet memory.
I hate crying. I half hate the thought of dying.
I hate the thought
Of them being gone
More than anything
So many mistakes.
So many could've done betters.
Constantly feeling my heartstrings ache
When I just.
When I'm just.
I'm just trying to be
I'm just trying to see
I'm just trying to understand an easier more comfortable way to breathe
While I cherish what she means to me
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xryxix
It's very vulnerable and raw. I'm not feeling self deprecative as much anymore but with the day that passed the other day I dunno. Just wanted to put it forward with how much I miss her. And how she's always got a spot in my heart. It doesn't ache so much anymore. Just not gonna be the same. Never could be without her. I miss her. I miss how she loved. I miss seeing the joy in her eyes and I miss the way she laughed with such emotion you could always feel it in your heart.
Clara of Spacehaze
You've purged and expressed your feelings of loss really well; it's a lovely tribute to her memory. I believe in the afterlife, that our energy carries on, in another dimension, (I've experienced feeling my Dad's energy so profoundly, a few weeks after he passed) So I'm sure she'll be aware of your thoughts and what's in your heart.
Poetry is such a cathartic release! Well penned :)
Thank you, her memory is such a blessing. I'm glad I at least got to have time with her, to get to know her the way I do. I believe in that kind of way. It's comforting to think in another universe, maybe she gets to do everything she wanted. I hear you a lot, my condolences. It really does help. I would lose my mind if I couldn't express myself through art
by xryxix; ; Report