Life is to weird of the first couple months of being an adult...

On September 23rd of May at 12:30 am, I turned 18 and I was so happy but when days and weeks went by it sucked ass I thought turning the age I would feel free mentally but I was so wrong asking the questions is Adulating hard?? but the answer will always be a yes its hard it will be leading to a point you want to cry all day and night till you're eyes start slightly bleeding to death and your lips turn purple because of all of the crying and stress you are going thru, you're body starts slowly breaking down you get the advice where you need to take fucking advice you take it all in and you commit to all of the advice you got but a few months and weeks all that shitty feeling starts happening again and again you have no thoughts in your head but there is only one and that one thought is "keep pushing you are almost there don't fuck it up" but you try your hardest but you know what it doesn't go away that shitty fucking feeling doesn't go away you try so hard and for what?? for the thought to stay there and keep putting negative feelings into you're brain and body to a point you feel like your body is going numb and you cant feel it? that's what it feels like you think and think to a point the human body goes numb and you cant feel nothing. The only thing that you can feel is the positive fucking memory's you have left in the brain that's all that runs around while the brain is brain dead til, here the good thing that positive thoughts doesn't stop..... Adulating is fucking tough 

xxx ash