introducing my character + cosplay

^ click for ambient music...

some day in october 2023 i was bored in class. i started doodling some random things, and i eventually came up with this:

at first it didn't have a name, age, story or even purpose, but with time i sorted it out. 

i recently gave it the nickname "cojón" (ballsack in spanish), and it's supposed to represent all my negative or intrusive thoughts. it's mute so it communicates with me through written signs, and it knows everything i know because technically it lives in my brain. the relationship between us is kind of complicated, cojón is my best friend but he also loves to beat me up and manipulate me often, and that's its only purpose in life. 

i wanted to write a zerocalcare-style character because i love the way he portrays people's consciousness and the stories he writes, and i've been wanting to do a comic with the character for a while. there aren't many drawings of it so far but i know exactly which kind of character i want to make. it does have its own instagram account, though, so if you want to see more of this check it out.

i had been wanting to dress up as him for a while, so i painted my own hat and came up with photoshoot ideas, and yesterday i finally did it. i know it's nothing amazing, it's just plain black clothes, a party hat and some makeup, and the character itself has a very basic design, but i think i'm doing a good job at portraying the personality i want to express through a such simple design.

here's my interpretation [FAKE BLOOD]

don't mind the messy room

since i created this character, i've been dealing with my emotions and thoughts better as i'm aware that those negative things are just my mind trying to bring me down, but i still struggle to recognize if the thoughts are mine or the character's from time to time. it made me aware that i'm not always the one to blame, that the negative part of my brain isn't really me, but sometimes i wonder if i'm the real villain of this story having done something as sadistic as creating a character just to blame all my problems on. but i don't really care, at least i have a lifelong loyal friend now.