Growing older and becoming sadder

Christmas day is fast approaching and here I am silently crying while watching others preparing for this festivity. 

I remember my childhood years when I was ecstatic when Christmas and New Year came. It meant one thing: to be surrounded with love. I could still smell the delicious foods prepared by my father. I could still hear the sounds of the caroling from neighbors or that off-tune melody from the flickering Christmas lights. I could feel the cool breeze wrapping me around us as we went to church for the Christmas Cantata. 

Now, I am here sitting in the living room. Alone. 

My parents are gone and my brother is far from me. 

I realized that as I grow older, I become sadder. I told myself many times that this is life and I have to move forward whether I like it or not. Another thing that hits me is, I am sadder not because of the loss. I am sadder because I once knew the feeling of being surrounded by completeness and by love.