a few months ago, i was so desperate to get out of the house that i actually said yes when my mother 'offered' to send me to a place where i could, y'know, 'get better.' i suppose the implication i'm trying for is that while i'm fully aware i've got issues, she wanted me to go because "i don't know what else to do with you," while she was being abusive herself. so, i went, because why not?
i had space on a piece of paper they gave me to fill out an assignment, so i drew myself
as some kind of demon guy with big wings and a sword. 'fucks.
there were two parts to this shit, one was a house. a sober living house (which are, even if you are not an addict or an alcoholic, not exactly fun to live at). the other was this day-long program where a bunch of us 20-something (and a few nearing-30-something) 'kids' hung out, did group therapy. we also had our parents involved, or the equivalent, because there was family therapy we all had to do, too. we had a break room with couches, a guitar, a TV, where people in charge of the remote would actually go straight to YouTube so they could decide what music to play. there were a few reoccurring DJs. the groups we did each day were, on the whole,...only worthwhile for the 'clients' you'd get to see if you took part. some groups really were cathartic, healing, but some were useless, even hilariously so. i made friends with a few people, we've got plans to hang, set for whenever i feel less like i'm going to die. i moved back home because my disabilities &/or chronic illness went for my fucking jugular, and i'm taking a short break from the program, too, just until i figure out why, but i'll be back. i think of my disabilities & their effects on my life, and my parents & their effects on my life, as two guns aimed at my head from either side, and i never know which will go off first.
i was there from November 3rd to December 12th, and i'll probably be back December 23rd, if that's not cutting into their/our winter break, i don't really know, the point is, i'll be back soon.
but here are some photos from Nov 3rd-Dec 12th:
this is from the night i cooked dinner at the sober living house. it was pretty much just a big pot of spicy, cheesy beans, with black olives!
this how i decorated my room at the house. i kinda miss it. but sometimes you don't
actually get a choice in the matter. or, i didn't. when your body attacks itself, you prioritize
that, i guess. i guess. i wish i could pick one gun, but nah, i've got both to contend with. bang, bang.
these are pictures i took when my former roommate and i (and our chaperone) went to 'the Venice of America.' for some reason, the guy on the balcony, and the shop with the pink top remind me of the sets in the game Disco Elysium.
this was for an assignment where we were told to draw how we felt. i felt...mixed.
these are my friend's Taki crisps. they looked good, and i tried one and they tasted good, so i took a photo of them so i could remember the brand & type.
this is a picture i took of the sky. i like taking pictures of the sky; you end up 'accidentally' capturing a lot of other things, too.
and this is my friendly neighborhood dinosaur. literally. this thing has been in my neighborhood for years. a family that left put it up,
the people that moved in after kept it up.
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sam
your self portrait does fuck fr.... and the dinosaur is quite epic. i also like taking pics of the sky/horizon, esp from a vehicle, i do it whenever i'm the passenger. ill even pull over on occasion if i really want to take a photo and the circumstances permit it (usually don't, oh well). sorry about your current situation tho ... i know "sorry" is useless, bordering on meaningless, but i dont know of many other ways to convey my sympathy. except to offer a listening ear if u ever want it
thank you sam. sincerely. i appreciate the sympathy :3
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
and i might take you up on your offer at some point, if & when i need to <33
by benny // whalefall; ; Report