Lust for Life

I have an insatiable urge to live, a lust for life. To experience genuine joy and adventure with all its abandon and pain. Yet I live bogged down by what doesn't matter to me and whatever does becomes fogged by stress, responsibility, death, and melodramatic misery from medical issues. I can't explain it, maybe it's just stupid. I crave the romance but deeply despise the forced romanticization of the moment and of the eye of the world. It's times like this I let my heart get the best of me after witnessing great envy resurface. Envy at the sight of feeling. At the sight of genuine emotion. At the sight of something I don't feel.

Maybe it's greed, maybe it's pathetic desire. I don't want to fall down that path again. I won't go down that path again. I was miserable beyond belief. Maybe the passage of time is too much for me to bare. I hate coping. I fucking despise it. Let me know the truth. But I'm whats in the way of my truth. I'm trapped, drained of all my energy, yet screaming to get out. Whatever, I don't even know if this is me. Or why I'm even posting when this'll just get farmed for AI slop.