Rest in Peace, Sassy.

Today's blog is not one about my favourite shows or bands.

It's not one about how good or bad my day was, or how I destroyed my friends in bedwars. 

Today was a sad day for my family and I. This is a tribute post to my dog, Sassy, as a last respect to her. This morning, she was euthanized. 

It all started the night before when she ran away. She's a very old dog, so she ended up down the road and couldn't find her way home. We looked everywhere for her but we didn't find her. Luckily, the same night, someone found her and took her to the vet. We thanked them and said we'd head over to the vet tomorrow to pick her up.

When we got there, she wasn't there. They had sent her out of town to be put down. They told us she was in too worse of a condition to keep her alive. As much as I'm happy she's no longer suffering, I wish I could've gotten to say goodbye. My mom says that she was probably on too many drugs to even recognize us, but I still wish I could've seen her one last time before I knew she was gone forever. 

It haunts me to think that as I sit here right now, writing this, she's gone. She's no longer on this earth, and I have no idea what they're doing with her body or where it's going. My baby, my sweet Sassy, gone from a world that loved her. Gone from me, forever. 

I don't know how to feel. Sad? Of course. Angry? Maybe, at myself. I'm angry at myself for not taking better care of her, for not being there for her in her last moments. She's been with me ever since i was a baby, I've never spent a moment without her. And now, she's gone, and that feels so weird to me. Before it was, "oh yeah, she's downstairs". Now it's, "she's not there" and that doesn't feel right. 

My dad suggested we get a new dog. I denied this suggestion. I don't want a new dog, I want Sassy. I want my baby girl, my sweet dog who was scared of cats and ran faster than I ever could. I don't want to replace her, and honestly I'm a bit shocked he even suggested such a thing. I keep replaying what he said in his mind, he had suggested it when we were at the vet/adoption center. He said, "Do you have any dogs available? Maybe I can make someone happy" and then he looked down at me. Me, who, at that point, had just been told his dog was taken and killed, and was trying not to break down sobbing. I feel bad because I know he was just trying to help, but it feels like a betrayal to my dog to just replace her as soon as she goes. 

I miss her so much. I know she was in pain, and honestly I would've gotten her euthanized myself because I hated seeing her suffer. I'm thankful she's no longer hurting, I just wish I was there to help her sleep. Really, I wish she was back in my arms wagging her little tail. I'd clean up her mess every day for the next year if it meant I could have her back. 

Rest in peace, Sassy. You were and are loved, my beautiful girl. I hope you can finally catch those chipmunks you've been chasing.