sad reality of being a goth💔

I really like this boy. He's got big brown eyes and and long dark hair. We go to the same school and so I see him every 4th and 6th period. He smiles genuinely at me every time he looks at me, even when his friends are laughing at me and calling me "Viera the vampire" at the same table. He looks at me like he understands. His eyes are so soul clenching. I see him walking home most days because he lives on my street but I will never say hi, how could I? He would never befriend someone like me. He would never date someone like me, and I don't care that much but sometimes it still hurts knowing I would have a chance if I was adorned in lulu lemon and I had "normal" hair. I love being a goth, I love the passion and the fashion and the music, but all of high school I will never be asked out unless its as a joke and all because I love being myself to the fullest. It's not even the romance I yearn for, I just want to stop being alienated and ridiculed by everyone around me. I just want to have some fun and enjoy being young. I want to be ABLE to ask him out. I would be fine with being friends too, I just know it would never happen because he is a dumb jock and I wear buckets of makeup and dress like a vampire every day. We unfortunately exist in different worlds. He is the boy of my dreams, because that is the only place we could ever be together. (┬┬﹏┬┬)

The only words I have ever said to him were "oh hi" when he was outside my house and I almost knocked him into an oncoming car, because I startled him. I was about to lay in my yard to soak up the rain before I showered, when he walked by and made direct eye contact with me for a few seconds before he walked away. It felt way longer. This awkward experience is all I will have of this boy. So I would ask for advice, but it is inevitably hopeless.

maybe next week I can work up the courage to tell him how I feel... stay tuned if you want a slice of cringe edgy teen heartbreak

Published by cre@tur3

sad reality of being a goth💔

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