LATE NIGHT RANT

Hi,

So I only have a few followers but need to get some diary esc thoughts out. That's basically what imma end up using this website for probably anyway lol so no one may read this, or some people may read this haha. 

Ok so I have extreme social anxiety and I just started taking medication for it so that helps a little, but I still overthink especially before my in person job and or when I have to work morningns and get to a place at 7:00 (it's brutal guys let me tell you), and yeah I just wish in an alternate universe I could get paid to stay at home doing my hobbies or researching something. *Sigh* I also have something similar to adhd and it's like I'm not meant toward a 7:00-12:30 4 days a week and talk to other humans I have nothing in common with besides the fact that we are all diatary aids at a nursing home. I thought this job was gonna be my dream job and I would do it forever, but low-key I'm willing to sacrifice working with elders in order to go remote or become a content creator (jk or not?...) I loveee talking to my grandparents and having deep and meaningful convos, but being behind the scenes preparing pureed food for the assisted living section of the building then handing it to a resident who can barely talk with a nurse by them is different and not what I expected.... although I should have known that going in but my brain works slower so service gets backed up constantly because of me and I also have to work on Christmas and Thanksgiving with is expected in this field but still maybe I didn't know what I was getting into. Everyone is nice to me for the most part, but I don't feel super close to anyone either. At least there's no bad blood. After college I might leave not sure yet I'm only a Junior... I watched a video of a YouTuber who made victorian food for a week and ate it 3 meals a day and that's her job she's a historian and it was so calming with candles and everything and I was siting there in my blanket knowing I had to get up at 6:00 am the next day and I wanted to be her so bad. All in all, I don't believe that we are made to slave away until were 65 not going on one single vacation constantly worried about money. I know I'm not working from 9-5 only 5 hour shifts 4 days a week, but if I'm already feeling exhausted like I just ran a mile whenever I come home from work? Umm anyways... We should have more flexibility and it's hard because family is so important to me but my entire dads side lives a 2 hour plane ride away. Oh also they say parties and events are "not required" but you get bashed for not participating using your own free time... So many jumbled thoughts. Ok that's all of may sad little life/rant have a good day/night y'all.