rating the things i could be experiencing right now by how cruelly devastating the diagnosis would be

so, i'm already disabled &/or chronically ill, but lately my flare-ups have been getting worse; i've been experiencing more frequent fatigue, brain fog, nausea / diarrhea (TMI? sorry not sorry), and more - well, they're migraines, i think, complete with the usual headache (pain), nausea, muscle tension / shakiness, even a bit of dizziness, blurry vision. yes, i will be seeing my doctor soon, again, but in the meantime:

okay, the way this is gonna work is that with the rating system, a 1 means "this would almost be a kindness you could give me, telling me this," and a 10 means "i would kill you, your family, and then myself if you told me this" (that's a joke, but so is my life)...ready?

hyperthyroidism (or some other random, non-lethal shit) gets a 1, because not only is it extremely treatable & even curable but it's so relatively common that i bet it's just such a chill and casual diagnosis not only to get but to give

weird ass parasites would get a 4, i think, because how fucking big are they and w h e r e are they. this is plausible, though, because i've had them before. did they stick around? do i live in their heads rent free?

long covid gets a 6, because while it would suck, and i know it could always get worse, there is a chance of it going into remission, and it doesn't kill you to death per se, there is a way to live with it

brain cancer (or another type of cancer) gets an 8, because although it is potentially terminal, it isn't too fast, and there's actually some ways to beat it into submission, like with surgery & chemo. this legitimately does terrify me but it's also plausible because my grandpa and dad both had different types of cancer and i think i would be good at chemo. if my hair started to fall out i could shave it completely like i did early last year and get a really cool tattoo on my head

any type of prion disease gets a 9.5, because this is the kill you to death disease. not only is this the kill you to death disease, but you actually die like a fucking pussy. prion disease is in the awkward stage, it's like the puberty of terminal illnesses, in that it's not fast but it's also not slow. you just sorta fade out, light's on but nobody's home type deal, and then fall into a coma and then die l i k e  a  p u s s y. thinking about the possibility of this makes me feel like i might throw up or perhaps explode. if a doctor told me i had this i would ask them to please let me stab them

"really bad winter allergies" (chronic illness flare-ups just getting worse due to seasonal changes) would immediately get a 10, or even an 11/10, because people who care about me are currently trying to get me to accept that i even have disabilities &/or chronic illness and i am afraid they are talking to a brick wall because if this is, just, what my life is, i think this whole building is coming down with me and why yes i will stay angry because i think it's fun fuck you

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