Mako Monthly Blog 12/13/2024

Hiii! So this was originally written on and for my website kanrojisoup.neocities.org but i figured I might as well post it on here too. and maybe get some more people to go to my website. so yeah !

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Hey guys its me again !!! I bet yall deeeefinetly fucking missed me. Yeah. Okay. So, this is the part where I rant about my life. Yay!! So! I have not relapsed at all since uhhh a few months ago. So thats good. It gets increasingly more appealing to change that everyday, BUT I previal! Don't know how long that'll last considering I am one of the weakest motherfuckers this world has ever seen, but whatever!!! So lets see, what have I been up to? I've been cosplaying more recently. Oh, and I got a phone too. Everything seems to be going suspiciously fine andI'm not sure I like that. Like of course, I like doing better than before, but it feels so unfamiliar it's hard to accept. And I also got a boyfriend. I like him a lot, it pisses me off. He likes me a lot too, he treats me well and always seems to be happy to see me. Its weird. It feels good, but I just can't wrap my head around what he sees in me. Im grateful nonetheless though! We've been dating for a bit over a week now, I think? I dunno. We're gonna go on a date tomorrow, so I'm excited, though a little nervous. He's really funny and nice and really good at Ultrakill. So like. Fuck yeah. He also watched me play ToToNo, so I don't think I can ask for anyone better. Ah, I'm ranting. Sorry.

Now lets see, what else happend? Hmmmmmm... Ah. Today I had a performance for my school. I played Young Girl A by Siinamota with a band. I also played half of Harness Your Hopes by Pavement before I got kicked off the stage for the contents of it. It was actually really embarrassing. Before I played, I said, "This song is dedicated to someone I really don't like." I worked pretty hard on that song. But apparently I can't "threaten peoples parents" through song format. Bullshit, I didn't threaten anyone. So everyone has been crowding me today asking who I was talking about. I didn't want to directly say who it was of fear of being rude or starting drama. I also thought it would've been funnier to just not specify who it was and watch people fight over it. But I'm a pushover, so whenever people asked me, I subtly hinted to who it was. It's definetly petty, but I can't bring myself to feel bad. It's beyond immature, I'm aware, but I'm not better than that and I won't pretend to be. And on top of that, where's the fun in being nice all the time? If I'm always just a people pleaser push-over, then I'd be even less of a person.

I've been getting back into the Dream SMP a lot lately. It's cringey, but I liked it so much back in 2021, I couldn't help but come back eventually. I've been pretty happy with it too. Instead of watching all the lore from Tommy's perspective, I've been more invested in Tubbo and Quackitys lore. Still fuckin hate Dream though. But at least as of recent I've been especially invested in Quackitys. I was reading TNTDuo fics the other day and couldn't help but relate to his characterization. Thats actually kind of a lie. I have always heavily related to his character, even back in like 2021. Everyone kind of just disregards him at some point and thats such a mood!! I also have a soft spot for druggie and casino owner characters. Love them!! He's literally just like me fr though like. I too am a short latino with a drug addiction who craves romantic validation, power, and a right to exist!! I too always love others more than they will ever love me!! I've also gotten into this obscure-ass adult swim show called Super Jail. I fucking love it so much, it feels like a manic episode watching it. I can't even begin to describe the plot or the characters, but trust me when I say it's great.

I've been feeling better for the most part lately, though I have had some bad days. And those bad days had been really really REALLY bad. But I don't feel like talking much about it this time, since there isn't much to say. Though, I WILL talk about the books I've been reading!! I finished BSD Stormbringer a while back and I can't remember if I talked about it. But it was sososososo good!! I loved it so much!! There was so much good symbolism, and the characterization was so perfect! They really fleshed out Chuuya's mental state and I loved it! The dynamics between him and Dazai were amazing too. And between him and Shirase. Dont even get me STARTEDD on Shirase oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!! I love him sm chat. Him and Chuuya are so first MLM relationship ex-boyfriend coded. I love them... And I also read No Longer Human. I'm very happy I got into BSD because I never would have found this book otherwise. It was such an amazing read! I mean. No, no it wasn't it was actually terrible but I could not pry my eyes off of it. Like. Dazai's mental state reminded me too much of my own and it became very eye opening. Like where do I even start oh my gahhdd????? But anyways, i think I'm gonna wrap this up now. My friends want to hang out with me right now, and they're very important to me. Seeya next month, Neocities!!

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That's all, thanks for reading! Please check out my website, I put lots of effort into it and would really appreciate it! I do lots of blogs, reviews, writing, and other fun stuff on there . it also would give you a lot more context on who i am as a person. But, anyways. Seeya next month Spacehey!