i think im cooked

Dear Internet,

So essentially I've been so drained for the past few weeks that at this point all my teachers are just letting me miss things without getting mad at me or giving me a bad grade!

I mean that's awesome but its gotten THAT BAD that they just know I'm mentally ill 

Like I haven't had a proper stable school schedule in 2-3 weeks. I cant focus on anything other than drawing or internet. I swear they've probably seen my scars too so oh well. Plus I'm just allowed to sit out in gym because I'm anemic as well as asthmatic (ASTHMA). Running gets me winded, same with pretty much any form of movement.

I was literally playing a CARD GAME and got dizzy/light headed from hitting the table too much (It was some goofy game called Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza or something like that.)

I've had so many people in my extracurriculars tell me "I'm here for you whenever you need me, i wont judge you for your issues, I'm your friend you can talk to me." As if i wasn't trying to ignore everyone the whole time -_-

I wish I could just stay home in my bed all day. Its so much more comforting.

(TW FOR NEXT SENTENCE)


(( I genuinely am so sick of my classmates and overall school. Like LEAVE ME ALONE and stop saying "wrist check!" because i will flash you with fr35h 5c4r5 don't even play with me.                                And like they think its so funny to call me and my friends the su1c1d3 squad. hahaha I'm totally cracking up at that you short mf comedian! ))


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I wish i had my own white/headspace. I need something like that. Escapism is my only form of comfort, internet is the source and answer to my issues. I wont even downplay it but i need to be in a mental hospital or at least see a psychiatrist but talking to people is scary. I don't want to have to speak up about my issues.

Can my life just close already? I don't want to do it myself. I cant. I don't have the energy or wellbeing to do so. Please just let me out of my misery already.





Im so done with everything i might become an hikikomori again.


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Nyx

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First off, I totally get how you feel right now. The burnout is real, and it's tough to keep up with everything. But trust me, you're not alone in this.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now, and it's okay to need a break. It's great that your teachers are understanding, even if it's because they can see how tough things have been for you. And hey, getting some extra time to draw and chill online isn't so bad, right?

And about your classmates...that kind of behavior is seriously not cool.

You should definitely seek help. I completely understand speaking to people is terrifying (I’m like that all the time) but I don’t think having a mental headspace is gonna help when you’re struggling like that.

You should at least try to seek help though. I understand it’s scary for you because it’s scary for myself and that’s stopping me from getting help but honestly it’s the only thing you can do really.


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