talk talk talk

language is performance but using it well is art. that's just a phrase that's been floating around in my head for the last few months. I'm tired of performing, to be honest. I've never been a big talker, in spite of what impressions I might give. I much prefer just, hanging around. you know? I'd love to just go on a hike with somebody that I like, sit with them by a river, make castles out of sand with them and pick up pinecones. that sounds so much better than finding a good conversation partner. to me, at least. there's less to overthink. it's hard to be dishonest when you aren't speaking, and I'm not using dishonest in a condemnatory way or anything. the ways we present ourselves are riddled with little dishonesties, and it's completely normal. in our tone of voice, with our words, with ways we choose to phrase things, we like to act as if we are always confident, competent, etc. it's harder to do that when all you have is gesture. a lot of it is subconscious.