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hey! im 15 years old and im wondering if my mom's s**ually """abus*ng""" me (quotes cuz i dont rlly think it's ab*s3.. idk what word to use)... plz help!!!
basically, my mom sometimes tries to see my panties (i usually walk around the house with only a shirt and undergarments on) as a joke (?) and lifts my shirt up to see either my ass or.. yk my front part. sometimes she calls me "hot" or even "sexy" when doing this because she likes my hips and thighs. sometimes she calls me those things when describing my body (she s3xual*z3s me a lot for some reason? especially when the topic of puberty comes up). this happens probably one or two times a week and she knows that it makes me uncomfortable but she does it anyway cuz she's just trying to "cheer me up" and "be affectionate/loving." wearing pants doesn't help cuz she'll just pull me close and tug my pants down to take a peek.
...this is all really humiliating and i usually just ignore her or whatever but yesterday i finally told her that i hate it when she tries to see my underwear and that it's not funny at all. she immediately started denying shit, got mad, started tearing up a bit, and told me that i won't have to deal with this once she's dead. to make things worse, my younger brother who's seen and heard what she's done to me, sided with her and even said that i'm "tweaking". he's usually super sweet and supportive so i couldn't believe that he didn't believe me...!!! he had been there, he had witnessed her behavior, yet he still said that i was wrong. i went to my room, cried, and came out to apologize (i had to lift my shirt up twice to make it up to her).
sigh. i feel like im going crazy. is this normal? do all families do this? my mom doesn't touch my privates or anything so like... this isn't really serious i guess. the only other weird thing that she's ever done to me was make me suck her nips when i was 8 because i had refused to drink her milk when i was a baby. sometimes she also insists on seeing me naked cuz we're both girls and cuz she's my mom so she's already "seen everything."
EDIT: thanks for the advice everyone!! i can't really do much to get out of my situation but i appreciate the help!! :D
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♡ jovi 🐹
this is LITERALLY sexual abuse. tell somebody. a teacher, a school counselor, a friend's parent, any adult you trust. you need help and so does your mother. posting about it online isnt really going to help (other than peer support/comfort). please, please tell a trusted adult. this type of abuse will fuck you up for life. it messes with your trust, your autonomy, your relationships, your body image... it isnt normal for a parent to want to see their child's body like this. it isnt harmless, it isnt cute, it isnt mother-child bonding, it is abuse
im not saying your mom is a pedophile but this is a huge red flag. at the very least she thinks shes entitled to your body and that is abuse. period. i dont like all the other people in the comments dancing around that fact. if you truly are in a situation where you cant say anything to anybody, protect yourself. dont fall for her manipulation. do not let her make you feel bad for wanting to protect yourself. she isnt going to die if she doesnt get to see your body. it isnt going to ruin her life. but it might do irreperable damage to your psyche
˚₊‧꒰ა Internet_Angel ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
it not sexual abuse?// but its definitinity sexual harassment and manipulation thats not normal behavior that should be coming from a parent as someone who's been sexually exploited by family members I know it can be pretty daunting especially if they come to you as if it were a normal thing and treat you accordingly normal outside of the encounters but that's definitely a problem
your mom should one not be looking at your parts or make comments or remarks calling you sexy or hot while focusing on those parts of yourself their are mothers that do this in words of endearment but this is usually directed toward their already grown children and not just a singular part or parts of them that can be portrayed sexually.
this is seriously creepy behavior second the fact it happens one to two times a week makes it aware that its a conscious choice and a routine she personally keeps up with a motive and from what you've said the intent isn't pure.
she should be trying to be affectionate or cheer you up in a right manner. sexualizing someone isn't any sorta way to cheer anyone up or make them feel better
the way she got immidentantly defensive is a no-brainer somethings obviously wrong and if she really wanted to cheer you up or be affectionate so much which she definitely isn't if that was her true intention she'd fine a better way to express that to you since you've stated it makes you uncomfortable and she goes out of her way to do those things you're brother is also extremely in the wrong and I doubt he even knows the half of it.
as well as your mom making you do that for her to "make it up to her" that's a yikes and that's emotional manipulation aswell.
this situation is serious please don't convince or gaslight yourself its not as it is and you're crazy I'm so sorry you have to go through that, even though you cant do a lot to get out of that situation Id honestly suggest calling the police
theirs child protective services group homes and what not and even though their not the best Id hate for your situation with her to progress over the years and effecting you more than it probably is I'm in foster care I'd suggest staying in group homes since foster homes aren't the best either or possibly worse if you ever decide you've had enough. Please put yourself first always these people in your life are family yes but they do not have to live through your skin or experiences take the best care of yourself and stay sharp kid I'm so gen sorry this is happening and I can only pray these experiences wont burden you in the long run
pocono
mhm, yup. sounds like certified creep behavior from your mom.
all jokes aside, I'm sorry for what you have to experience. this is gross, disgusting and the fact that your mother is doing this to you is just horrible. hopefully you can get out of this situation soon bro 🙏
Star!
Hi, so after reading this post and most of the comments under as well as your replies. I think your mom either, doesn't understand boundaries and like someone else said, doesen't know how to show love properly, and (is what another person said) is probably somewhat mentally ill. OR shes actually a ped0. But I don't want to make any assumptions, as I don't know you or your mother irl so I don't know and I would feel uncomfortable making assumptions and accusing your mom of anything. Either way, your mom is overstepping her boundaries as a parent, and should stop doing anything that makes you uncomfortable when you ask, and shouldn't even be doing any of this stuff in the first place. This is not normal parent behavior, and to prevent your mom from looking at you in a sexual way/trying to look at you when you're naked, you should try and always wear pants and cover up when you're around her. I know you shoulden't have to, but parents shouldent be doing this kind of stuff to their children. I hope you're doing okay, and wish the best for you.
eric
s**ual h@r@ssment 100%. how your mother acts is not okay nor normal AT ALL. you don't owe her a thing at all so don't comply with her if it makes you uncomfortable. it makes me sick to my stomach just hearing this and even more that your brother didn't believe you and that you had to lift your shirt to make it up to her. your mother isn't worth a dime and shouldn't treat her kids this way. i can't give much advice except to distance yourself physically or even slap her hands away if you're that comfortable with it. my mom was kinda this way and i usually just kept my distance from her. still do sometimes. if you ever EVER need a shoulder to lean/cry on, i'm here- we all are. i'm so sorry this is happening to you, dude. i don't need to know anything about you before i say you don't deserve this. stay safe, man. (┬┬﹏┬┬)
thank you so much!! ur so kind!! yeah, i always try to distance myself cuz.. what else can i do? aha.. again, thanks!!!! really appreciate it :D
by ruitoya09; ; Report
Pretzle
Oh my im so sorry for the situation ur in idk what u belive in but Ill pray for you
aww thank you :D you’re very nice..!!
by ruitoya09; ; Report
no problem anytime also if u need to talk to anyone im here
by Pretzle; ; Report
thank you, i really really appreciate it <3
by ruitoya09; ; Report
Misu
My God, I'm sorry about that. If you have the opportunity to leave her house, do it, live with some other relative or something like that. Be careful and take care of yourself, if you need it ask for help because this is not normal.
Yeah, I’ll try.. thanks! <3
by ruitoya09; ; Report
Stella<3
Hi girl.
I'm so sorry abt everything:((
Your mom is pretty crazy. I think you should talk to your dad abt the whole situation. I'm sure that if she hear him she wil change.
My dad’s not really around cuz he’s always working, but I’ll consider it! I don’t think he’ll believe me though.. thanks anyway!! :D
by ruitoya09; ; Report
Bart K. Eisenhower
It's a bit weird. Your mom's probably just mentally ill.
Also put some pants on.
aha ^^
by ruitoya09; ; Report
Aquakitty
i am so sorry. :'( you are not crazy! this is not okay! my mother was SAed in childhood and it developed into her having this exact type of behavior towards me that youre dealing with. my mother took it further than this the younger i was as well. depending on your situation, check state laws about recording. where i live only one person has to be aware of the conversation being recorded. if its the same for you i would record this next time you talk about it again.
you can tell you guidance counselor at school or call your local dcf/cps and talk to them about it. some places have anonymous messaging options. sadly it sounds like your mom knows this is weird behavior and bringing it up triggers her feeling shameful and wanting to dodge without actually changing this. she will most likely keep doing this to you and as you get older it could get worse. i think part of it has to do with being uncomfortable that youre growing up and not little anymore. it has to do with control weirdly. im sorry this is happening to you. its isnt your fault.
hi hi!! ^_^ i'm so very sorry that you went through something similar!! i hope that you're better now <3
i wish i could confront my mom again and record our conversation, but i don't want to get anyone involved and i definitely don't want to get my mom in trouble or anything. she's really sensitive and easy to upset.. she's sort of dealing with some stuff at the moment and i wouldn't want to make things worse by causing more problems between us :( i don't think she's trying to harm me, let alone control me. i suspect she's probably just confused and doesn't know how to express love properly.. i don't want to push her away because she'll think that i don't love her back (which is not true!!). well, thanks for helping anyway :D i'm very grateful for the advice!!
by ruitoya09; ; Report
hi! please don't be offended btw I'm just trying to help! you are right that your mom doesn't know how to show her love properly. regardless you have expressed your feeling on the matter and she has responded in a way that compromises that. i felt this exact way about my own experience until i had gotten older and realized how much this kind of stuff affected me. there is a possibility when you get older you may come to feel like you were not being treated appropriately or in a respectful manner by her. right now i completely understand how you are worried that she will think you don't love her and you don't want to upset her. mind you, you only view this that way because of how your mom reacts to this kind of stuff. this is not how love is measured and she must know this. that is why she will bring up things like she's terrible and she's not loveable and any other way to make you put aside how you feel to prioritize her comfort. when your mom defaults to these reactions, weather its on purpose or not, is manipulation. its a way to disarm you and flip the issue to her instead of what the actual problem is.
do what you think is right and what you're comfortable with. its good you came to some kind of space to talk about this. i did the same thing with my similar experience and i had the same reasoning. looking back on it now i wish that i would've listened to the advice i got. i was too worried for my mothers sake but I'm an adult now and i cannot fathom behaving that way towards my child.(i do not have my own children but i am a preschool teacher for this reason and others like it.)
i don't know much about you but it sounds like your mother puts a lot of her emotional needs onto you when you're just a child. 15 is very grown but looking at it ten years later...yea you realize how young you were and how your brain was messed with.
these things will be hard to remember clearly as you get older, for your sake, document it in someway so that your older self doesn't have to struggle with this. please do your own research (as comfortable) into gaslighting and emotional inc*st. its very real and very damaging. if you don't want to talk to anyone that might intervene at least give yourself the knowledge of whats happening and how to cope (yes cope,) with it. if you need anything you can always pm me. you do not have to but the offer stands as long as you live :)
you will be ok but do not forget there is an actual problem you're subjected to and its not being taken seriously. it is not fair that you as the child and your feelings are being blown off by your own parent, an ADULT. its her job to nurture and protect you and this is very much the opposite. this can lead to insecurities and relationship issues down the line.
i still have contact with my mother and even at 24 she still tries to do these kinds of things to me but I'm old enough now to be able to say no and stop. you don't have the same power currently and it takes a lot to be able to do that to someone who makes you feel so guilty for having an issue in the first place.
ultimately your mom probably will never take this issue seriously and will always do things in some manner like this to you, never discuss it, always shut it down and cry, continue to be inappropriate about how you look, its up to you now to guard yourself with knowledge and how to deal with this type of stuff. you can love your mom and also know some things she does is not ok or appropriate. clearly there are boundaries that are being crossed and they will continue this way as long as she isn't held accountable. protect your mind if you cant your body.(this sentence sounds so horrible but it is the reality, its hard to read myself.)
sorry this reply is so ungodly long but this is something that i relate to very hard and I'm just telling you what i wish i could tell myself when i was younger.
believe me, when you're older there are so many things going on that you really don't want to hash this issue out and analyze it from scratch on top of everything else. i truly hope anything ive said will stick with you and prevent the confusion and pain and conflict i dealt with and am still dealing with. please pat yourself on the back for recognizing this and know that despite what your mom is doing, you were still raised in a way that you were able to understand that this makes you uncomfortable. dont get stuck in a black or white mindset.
by Aquakitty; ; Report
woaw wow!!!! first of all, i jst want to say that i didn't expect to recieve a reply this long, but i'm touched that you took the time to write all of this!! again , i'm really sorry for what you had to deal with.. i'm glad that you can say no now!!!! also, i think it's great that you're a teacher!!!! teacher's aren't appreciated enough, which is a shame, because i think most of them try their best and are very nice people!! especially preschool teachers.. i wonder how they have the patience to teach a bunch of little kids.. you're very amazing!!!! :D
anyway, i thought real hard about stuff, but i find it difficult to take myself seriously.. i just feel so silly and a bit... perverted? tainted? idk why... i feel sad after my mom looks at me or brushes her hands against me, angry even, but after a while, i sort of forget and act like everything's all fine and dandy and it isn't as bad as i thought it was. i don't feel.. traumatized???? i don't feel like i need to cope or anything... my brain basically just tells me to suck it up and move on.. this causes me to randomly cry whenever i'm reminded of my mom, but other than that, i think i'm very good at dealing with my emotions!!!! i write to feel better too, but what i write are just scenarios in which i enjoy what's being done to me.
i understand what you're saying, i feel very very bad for you, but i don't think this will affect me too much when i'm older... i'm willing to put all of this behind to have a somewhat normal relationship with my mom!!
thanks for absolutely everything, i'll definitely message you if i can (i'm using the family computer and i don't have my own room so it's hard to be sneaky)!!!! you are so so sweet!! happy holidays.. ^_^
by ruitoya09; ; Report
francis soundworks
also erm be my friend pls :>
sure ^_^
by ruitoya09; ; Report
francis soundworks
this is not really "okay." i don't really know what your mom's trauma or history is, but she's basically sexually assaulting you. you have a body; it is yours alone.
when you told her it makes you uncomfortable, she didn't want to acknowledge the guilt and whatever else is affecting her. so she tries to guilt-trip or something because saying "it won't matter when i'm dead" is ignoring the fact that she's doing something wrong AND making you feel bad. is there something that you think causes her to do this?
schedule a meeting with your school counselor. make it very clear to them that you do not want anyone else to know about your situation. explain that you don't want to ruin whatever relationship you have with your mom but that this is something that has to change. because it does. don't let it keep happening. it only gets worse the older you get and it's better to get help for both you and your mom right now, rather than later. either you seek help now or let things get worse until both you and your mom are very unhappy.
please get help her for your mom as well as yourself.
i get that you don't want to make your mom hate you. it's unpleasant to deal with that, especially if she's super unstable. but please, do something. and never try to convince yourself that things aren't that bad or that it's "okay." you are a human. you are worth a lot.
getting help seems like what most people would do, but i think i'm not like most people. see, i kind of really need my mom by my side because, one, she's my mom so yeah, and two, i'm not in contact with any other family members and i've got no friends so i'm pretty lonely. while my mom's a bit... weird and erratic, she's my only female friend. i have "friends" online but i don't talk to them too much and i don't want to like... dump all my problems on them. my two other friends are my brother who i'm kind of mad at right now (i still don't get why he doesn't believe me. it hurts! D:) and my dad. my dad's almost always at work so i don't see him much (i don't even know how old he is!). basically, if i talk to a counselor or something, it'd make things weird and i don't think i'm brave enough to do such a thing. i think i'd rather just deal with things by myself. my mom's pretty nice when she's not acting strange. i just kind of need to be "careful" around her because saying the wrong thing easily upsets her. she works hard, i don't want her to be upset :( i don't know why she's like this. thanks for the help btw :D
by ruitoya09; ; Report
ah okay, do whatever you think is best then. good luck with life and everything. i know you said you have online friends but if you ever wanna talk just private message me or something. i'll be around!!
by francis soundworks; ; Report
awwww thank you! you're so very sweet ^_^
by ruitoya09; ; Report
Ashley Alias
thats creepy as hell and fully not okay. just,, yeah that fucking sucks. you're not crazy in thinking its weird or uncomfortable or bad.
oh :(
by ruitoya09; ; Report
♫ Michael Melody ♫
hey this is so not normal !!! i’ve been in your place and i am so so sorry you’re going through this, if you can please try to find someone you trust a family member a friend a teacher anyone and let them know what’s happening !!
i wish i could but i don’t want my mom to hate me.. despite everything i love her and i don’t want her to get in trouble or anything.. thanks for helping anyway ^_^
by ruitoya09; ; Report
i understand how you feel but i do want you to realize how serious this is it is messed up. i hate to see someone else so young go through this, there are ways to get help without your mom finding out i just really advise you to seek help with this. if there’s another family member or friend who could take you in that could help tremendously.
by ♫ Michael Melody ♫; ; Report
hmm well all of my relatives are in another country.. i find that staying in my room and going to afterschool helps though :/ thank you so much though! :D
by ruitoya09; ; Report
im glad you have something to spend less time around her, it would be good to try to contact those family and see if they’d be willing to take you in anything could help
by ♫ Michael Melody ♫; ; Report