I'm hopeless.

I just feel empty. I just want to be numb. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Its to much. Why can't I just feel normal? My life is fine aswell, so I have no reason to even feel like this. I just want to not feel anything. I don't know why I'm even writing this. Letting someone know wont help either. What are they gonna do, just magically make me feel normal? There's no point to anything. The meds the doctors put me on aren't helping and they haven't at all. I don't think there's any chance I can feel normal and happy again. I feel like I only have option, I can't though. It would hurt him so much. I love my boyfriend a lot. He is the only reason I'm still here.