rant

ouuuugghhhh my friend just invited me to her and her sisters birthday party. I have never met her sis and she doesn't probably even know i exist. Shes also like five years older (20 something i think?) Shes also inviting some of her friends, like 15 of them. My friend invited some of her other friends, but they all said that they cant come. So its gonna be me, my friend, her family and a bunch of 20 year olds. I might just end it at this point. I have INSANE social anxiety.. like, really bad. I also have to buy her a gift, and i have no idea what to get. I thought about a nice chocolate or something,, but then i remembered that my friend once told me that she doesnt eat anything unhealthy (like chocolate, candy, pastries.. basically all the gift ideas that i had ). I was also informed that were going to a BAR.. I have never drunk anything in my life. I just turned 18 like a month ago.. So i have no idea whats gonna happen. Like what if i just start vomiting everywhere, or doing something weird.. uggghh i hate this. Of course I could just not go, that would solve ALL of my problems, but im not gonna do that. no way. shes my best friend, and i was the only one that could go out off all of her friends (theres like at least 10 i think. now that i think about it, theres no way all of them had some other stuff to do that day. maybe theyre just as stressed as i am and just took the easy way out).. ALSO, i dont have anything to wear. I dont own any dresses. the last time i wore one was 4 years ago i think. I also have a really short and messy wolf cut, fucked up (wispy?) bangs, underdyed hair (pink) and horrendous acne (also i'm not conventionally atractive). So i have no idea how im gonna make myself loog good for a party. I normally look like a homeless person ( no hate to them tho!!) i'll also look really different compared to everyone else and its just gonna make me stand out and stressed even more. They all have like really long and pretty hair and im just there with my fried fucks. :( .