Cis comedian's can't tell good Trans jokes

So I’m looking into saving my jizz for the future of humanity from the onslaught of the evils of hormones that I am about to unleash on my body. Must save those future babies from the war of estrogen vs Testosterone to come. Man it;s expensive, I have two options left I suppose. Freeze that spunk in my freezer to warm up in the microwave later like a TV dinner and hope I can keep the bills up to keep that mother fucker running or allow my sperm to apply for refugee status at the border.

Coming out is supposed to be a very important event for some. A solemn, introspective about who we were and who we are. An educational insight for the cis community at large and friends who don’t quite understand what we truly go through. It’s philosophical, eye opening, sacred event. Then there are people like me who’s like “fuck it”. I heard all the usual “I identify as a helicopter” jokes the really desperate cis comedians can’t quite move on from and I think to myself. Well shit, boys and girls, it’s clear you don’t get it, but really the jokes on us and I’m fine with that. Coming out as trans can be funny, in a self deprecating way and girl,can we deliver the comedy better.

I mean I haven’t even got boobs yet, and let me tell you, I’m so looking forward to forgetting they’re there when I reach out for the coffee in my cupboard. You ever had sore tits? Well me neither, but I’m told they’re going to make a kick in the gonads feel like a walk in the park and if that’s the case, I may stand in the living room and ask my joyfriend to kick me in said gonads for hours to offset the suffering. I mean it’s not like I’ll have any use for them in time, is it? In fact My joyfriend is offering me her boobs right now, and little does she know I got the medical mask, latex gloves and scalpel at the ready. I just got to ask her if she wants be conscious when I prep for her surgery.

Who am I trying to fool, yeah that’s a good one? I mean look at me. Obviously I’m some guy using make up to look like my idea of what a girl should look like. Not because I like to make myself up and feel good about me. I mean really, my wearing make up has nothing to do with me as a person, does it? Oh no, it’s all about you, isn’t it, son?

Trust me, son, I’m not looking this fabulous in order to make you have the hots for me. I got plenty of perverts out there offering me the honor of swallowing their sausages, like it’s some distinct privilege, let me tell you. And who says romance is dead? I mean, yes, I like any woman miss the days when some Neanderthal could come in to my cave hit me over the head, and bang, that was it we were married. Ah chivalry. At least we get dick pics to make up for that loss in male entitlement, right?

And I have to remember that now I’m a lady, I can’t eat a banana out in public without making it look sexual. So don’t send me dick pics, boys. Send me banana picks. I want to see the largest banana’s you bought from your local Aldi’s (has to be Aldi’s because I only fellatio that organic shit, boys) if you really want to impress a girl. I’ll settle for whole foods too. I’m down for the expensive organic shit too if you really want to go all out and spend that money on me.

I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of comments asking me what do I know about how women feel?

Which is fair, what the fuck do I know? I’m only 45 and got 40 years of male indoctrination to overcome. Hell I don’t even know how men feel, and I’ve pretended to be one for 40 years. I only know how I feel and what other women tell me they feel, which I kinda relate to. But here’s the thing, until we actually get a group of Cis women and cis men in the same room, both charged with solving the same problem, without killing each other because let me tell you women are always right and men don’t know how to handle that without some breakdown into the dark well of the butt hurt manosphere, we’re never going to know for sure how the other side thinks, beyond some homicidal tendencies towards the other. Like my joyfriend likes to tell me, the more she loves me the more she wants to kill me. And that’s only because I’m a woman now, I’m not only right all the time but because I’ve been a woman all my life and didn’t even know it until now I’ve obviously been right all my life, right?

I mean let’s be honest here, Cis people are the worst comedians when it comes to Trans jokes.

Seriously, Ricky you know those jokes are so 1997 right? Here let me help you. I’ve seen plenty of porn that suggests to me that some cis women want to be recognized as fire hydrants. Nothing wrong with that. I love a good gush from time to time.

In fact I find it kinda hot.

But here’s the thing, comedians, I’m not against you making jokes about trans people. You can make all the misunderstood stereotypes we’ve all heard for the last 30 years as Trans people all you like and if you can sell tickets making bigoted cis people laugh at the same joke for decades, have it. But at the end of the day, you really don’t have anything new or to relate to actually make new material from it. I do, as I go through it, and believe me,cis people have given me so much material to work from in the three weeks I’ve actually been out. I mean self deprecating humor is nothing new to me, I have really low self esteem anyway, but the thing is, I’m not going to make my transition a thing of tragedy or let some uneducated bigot get all the laughs out of it. It’s my story to to joke about. And I’m sure there’s going a lot more to come.

Second puberty, you’re so on the list right now. Lets take a look a this website and see what to expect.