art shopping, tattoos, art plans

i almost feel bad like posting on here but like. its good bc its so like, sheltered on here where blog entries r hard to find LOL so like i can just say my stuff in a vague anonymity kinda which is what i need. but i feel like guilty for posting so much on here but its also the same guilt i have of like, talking about my day :| so this is good practice for me i think in talking about my day and not just sitting in silence because "well no one cares or wants to hear it-" well then they dont have to listen. smh

today was a busy day, lots of errands! my knees aching bad from all the driving -_- tomorrow gonna try and not drive at all, bc thats whats really doing me in. and monday i had to drive to the meeting thing. so need a good break. but i picked up our grocery order and while i was out i had to ship off an etsy shop order (!! for earrings too, which i really never sell!) and i stopped at a couple other shops to scope out more xmas gifts for ppl. got a makeup bag for P3 that i wanna stuff with some jewelry and a couple small cute ornaments for my mom, and while i didnt buy anything i looked at options for glass jars for my dads bath salts to store in

i also went to an artisan holiday market thing nearby w my dad and it was very cool to check out. makes me happy but also sad with my art. i want to be that high brow with my art but i just cant cuz i like, need money. and materials. and time. almost none of which i have lol. its hard to make that switch from hustling for day to day to making high brow gallery art - let alone getting it actually put up anywhere where ppl wld be interested in it :/ esp cuz i do all native american style shit and aint no one care bout that but the tribes and where i live now there arent any real active tribes -_-

when i was there the cashier woman does leatherwork and asked to see my bag so i showed it to her - i was using my grandmas old purse - and she was like woah this is amazing and i looked at the branding and its all italian and dad was like yeah she used to go to florence and pick up florentine leather every year and they were like Ahhhh of course. and when we got back to the car dad told me when he was a kid once grandma brought him back a pair of leather gloves, but his brother got a whole ass backpack and he was lowkey jealous LOL. i would be too! its the little things though , sometime i should do a thought flow type writing about memories of grandma and stories about her and from her so i dont lose them all. inspired by the memoirs abt her hometown i found in storage...

i also picked up something for myself while i was out - 40th anniv of my little pony theyre selling some of the core g1s all new so i picked up Snuzzle... how cute is that for a name.. and her cutie mark is a flock of hearts! i want to get more into the g1s and g2s... im Into g3 but i want to be a full retro fan lol. but i was looking at cutie marks anyway and i definitely think i want to get like idk maybe a half sleeves worth of cutie mark tattoos, full color. not the g4 stuff but like g3 ones of my favorites, like minty, candy cane, wysteria, kimono... especially omg comet tail and silver rain would make for the most gorgeous ones esp if i can find a way to work the gradients in!!!

ive drawn up some handpoke ideas, ill see friends at my party thursday and maybe ill bust out the handpoke stuff there cuz the ppl interested in it will be there (except L3 but ah well).. if i dont, then ill probably go over to L4s on.. saturday? i want to say friday but already blocked that off i think to celebrate bday with freddie since hes got to sleep early for work on my bday so i wont see him most of the day. thats okay though cuz i wldnt want him feeling ignored while im doing party stuff and im offline >_<

idk though . i want to do more art but i just feel so ... stuck. i might try and do collaging again for a while. also want to do more zine stuff, L4s zine really inspired me. it was just a test print and its very personal so i dont have a copy to peruse at my leisure rn but i really really love it and it makes me want to do my own zining sooo bad. but also i need to get my shit together for if i want to go to any of the indie art markets P1 was sending me info on. he said he can give me a lift to them too cuz theyre in the Big City and im like weh i cant gooo. but i need to check vendor fees and application dates and shit but also idek what id TAAAKEEE AAAAA. i need to make more art. explodes. i have lots of patches, some earrings, a few prints, but thats kinda it. think i want to maybe do some stickers? i got a box of blank labels to practice with. and also shirts.... ? but i need to test the fabric ink for real still. more beading ...? but thats so much wooooork TT_TT painting? but i dont do that idk how aaaa Explodes and dies.

its all extra hard unmedicated. i did my t shot earlier but im down to the last couple of 1ml vials and i need to get medicaid renewed before i can get more, and still dont know about my prozac so im not taking it at all, nor the buspar. im doing pretty okay all things considered - like im not having anxiety attacks or spiraling meltdowns - but im still getting nervous way too often and also just very tired and worn down. especially if i can get medicaid thru and find a psych who can do those AND get me back on adderall? gd id be fuckin unstoppable. but ill believe that when i see it yknow. Sigh