Report Blog Entry
hi i’m a cisgender 15 year old lesbian in a committed relationship with a genderfluid 14 year old bisexual. they are genuinely everything i could ask for in a girlfriend, and i think a lot of my problems stem from my own mind
im diagnosed with anxiety and depression but im almost positive i have some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder because of the way i treat relationships. my mood honestly depends on the person im closest to treating me well. my girlfriend obviously is the person im closest to right now and they treat me really well. but because im in love with them it’s gotten worse. i cant go to sleep until they text me back and if i text them i literally stare at my phone on the verge of tears until they respond. i think about them literally every second of every day. they are very close with their male friends, and i know it’s just jealousy and she’d never betray me, but since they are bi i feel like they’d rather be with one of their male friends than me and it stresses me out so bad.
this morning she texted me because she noticed how bad i was getting mentally and she said that if i wanted to take a break we can. but i don’t think that would fix anything, because we went on break before for one day, and i just was shaking thinking about her the whole time and crying. but the thing is, she’s the one who texted me saying she regretted going on break because we they were miserable.
the problem here is that we are awfully codependent, but i can’t break up with them because aside from this one problem, this is genuinely the healthiest relationship i’ve been in. we talk every day, never get in fights, get each other gifts, say we love each other regularly, and when my own mental illness isn’t getting in the way, she genuinely makes me a happier and better person. since ive met them i’ve become kinder, more gentle, happier, and i’ve been able to show love more easily, which has been hard since my last relationship was super toxic and i ended up getting cheated on, which affected my trust issues, but even though i get jealous i trust them completely.
i just don’t know what to do because i don’t want to end up in a toxic codependent relationship but i also don’t want to lose this because they might just be the love of my life
Comments
Displaying 2 of 2 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
k4tttl0vEzuAlL
Its always good to communicate your fears and concerns to your partner.
I used to be extremely codependent on my partner, but I don't think I have a personality disorder, so it might be different for me.
If you can, therapy helps a lot. It helped me extremely. If you can better your own mental health, you can better your relationship.
If you can, try to find some friendships or other hobbies like music, reading, making jewelry, drawing, cleaning, etc.
A relationship that's perfect all the time isn't really possible, I believe, unless somebody is hiding their issues. I doubt your partner would ever want to betray you, if they love you as much as you say.
I find that love can just be in the small things
Mess
it sounds like you are already in a toxic codependent relationship. I think the best thing you can do right now is to try and take some mutual time apart. try to like agree on a set amount of time of none to little contact so you can build yourselves back up. If you keep going on like this, it's only gonna get worse for both of you and it might end really bad. you're still really young and don't need to be worrying so much about relationships, especially since you probably have more important things going on in your life. Just try and make a plan with your so to prevent anything major or bad from happening in the future^^