the worst night of my fucking life (and it ruined most of my week)

this is gonna be a long one lol

so i decide to make an actual move on guitar boy and i invite him to my friends house party. his bsf msgs me and tell me to make sure guitar boy doesnt get drunk or pick up any bad habits and i say ok sure. this is abt a half hour before the party so im quite nervous and im texting his bsf to see if i can gather any useful info, apparently not. all i got was made fun of and told how much of a dumbass guitar boy was and also how 'its always time for a glowup'??? what the fuck man. i dont appreciate being called ugly but whatever. (and i thought i looked really cute that night :[ )

anyways so now i get to the party and hes not there yet and im just chit chatting to my friends (there was a really cute cat there, i think i got a few pics with him im just waiting for my friend with the digi cam to send them) and then he shows up. so i see him and smile at him and he smiles back and we're talking about whatever. basically goes on for a bit until the drinks and music comes out.

so now im feeling a little silly and maneater comes on. 

"ohmygod guitar boy (btw i dont actually call him that im just replacing his name) we have to go dance!!!"

"i dont know how to dance" 

"neither do i!!!"

and then i grab his hand and i lead him inside to the dance floor. he's really shy (shame its so cute) so im holding his hands, kinda showing him what to do and he actually looks like hes having fun. anyway the song ends and then we go back outside and i was holding his hand for a bit. it was really nice. so then we sit down on these chairs by the lawn and i have my legs on his lap and we're talking. he takes out his phone cuz his friend msged him and i say "oo i wanna say hi" so we send him a voice note and all goes well. 

then guitar boy tells me his friend wants him to play chess with him right now and i jokingly take his phone and say no way. that gets him talking about how he has social anxiety and he kinda sucks at socializing in general. i tell him i can relate, im not actually really confident, im kinda just copying what i think a confident person would do. 

conversation goes on and then i lean forward towards him and tell him to practice talking to me (like in a jokey way) and he got so flustered it was really cute, he was stuttering and avoiding eye contact (which im literally a pro at now mind you) so then im like ok well may as well mess with him a little. 

"you're stuttering guitar boy"

"nuh uh im not"

"yeah? well you can barely look me in the eyes so not convinced"

teasing goes on for a bit before he gets up to get something to drink. anyways night goes on, we're talking to friends and telling stories until one of my friends take me to go dance with them. after a few songs i get tired and go back outside and look for guitar boy and i see him talking to this girl we met earlier, no problems right? im about to go up to him and ask who he made friends with until i see her take his hand and lead him to this little lane in the garden. 

im actually frozen in shock at this point. i go inside and then i ask this girl standing by the door to the lane if anyone is making out over there and she says "yeah theres this girl and some guy with longish hair"

after that i just ended up crying on the floor of the kitchen. there was this really sweet girl (im gonna call her angel cuz thats literally what she felt like) and she gave me the kindest words of my life:

"listen i know im a little drunk but that doesn't matter. i have this like 6th sense, like you know when dogs just bark at random people for no reason? yeah, its like that. i can tell you're such an amazing gorgeous person and you have this light inside of you girl. its so beautiful and i want you to remember that. and never let some dumb dork wearing a shirt with a cat playing guitar on it ever make you think otherwise. if he cant see the literally goddess in front of him thats his fault not yours." 

then i started crying again cuz she was so nice and sweet and when you grow up ugly you aren't used to pretty girls being so sweet to you for no reason. so she takes me outside and i sit with my friends. after a bit i get cold so i go inside and get my jacket, when i come back to my friends i see guitar boy, sitting in my seat. i sit down in the only open seat, the one next to him, and i just pretend to be feeling sick or something so i dont have to participate in the conversation too much. 

a few more crying sessions and smokes later my dad is there to pick me up. so i go greet and say my goodbyes. on my way out i see guitar boy talking to a different girl but im too tired and sad to care. i go say goodbye and i awkwardly extend my arms for a hug but then i decide he doesnt deserve it and i take my arms back but by that time hes already stood up and his arms are around me and i can smell his shampoo and im trying not to cry again.

anyways ive been crying non stop since saturday night and its tuesday now.

yesterday i found out (from his bsf friend) that 1. the girl is guitar boys best friends ex and 2. guitar boy is going to ask her out.

so yeah fuck my life. just when i thought things were going really good it just got completely shit.

(ps after i end up crying to his bsf after the party and telling him everything he just said "well its not meant to be ig" THANKS BRO!!!)

one more love song - mac de marco

(pss im not proof reading this cuz i dont want to cry anymore soz)