tell me if i glow in the dark

your fake impartiality is so scary for reasons you'll never understand. its so unfair seeing you seem so fair.

you speak my name and say you speak love, but we both know that's not true. stop acting like nothing happened. we both know we should die for what we've done for eachother. you still talk about me but you could never sing my praise in my presence. knowing that hurts. i mean, i cant blame you. you only know what you've lost after you've lost it.

inhale,
exhale.

i wonder if judging your name is something i'm wasting my thoughts on. my conscience is limited and im wasting it writing about you. just don't forget to breathe. even though your presence is like a stubborn weed in someones lawn and you feel like a chain ball wrapped around my ankle dragging behind me, my emotions are worth writing about.

its not like i can just waste this material. give me such good topics to write about. you piss me off yet also make me feel so horrible about myself, its like you're the perfect inspiration in a perfectly imperfect way. your entire existence feels as if its a cigarette. cancerous, deadly, and you make me wanna vomit.

even though you're the perfect muse and you make me hate myself its not good to waste these words on you. you don't even deserve to have words written about you. you're a piece of shit and you know it. id rather you hang myself with a piece of twine than ever speak any loving words about you again.

my head bleeds with feelings of hatred for you. everytime forced i love you, every threat, everytime you've said im the worst thing thats ever happened to you. ill never forget it. i hope you remember and i hope it haunts you in your sleep. regret of everything you did.

i hope you realize you're heinous and i hope you realize nobody will ever love you again once they learn who you truly are. you treat me like a fucking doll you got bored of. im not your damn toy or plaything for you to dress and destroy.

let me sit on the moon and watch everyone from above. i'd rather be the man in the moon than to be the lowly man this lowly life has forced me to be. i'd rather watch everyone stare up into the sky, directly in my eyes, and let my gaze either choke them or comfort them, than to hold my worst enemy while they cry.

your tears are a vast, empty ocean thats seen no light. the only thing there is to do is drown and stare into the seeping black abyss of nothing. thats probably the only thing behind your eyes anyway. nothing, and bad intent.

you kill everyone around you like you're a plane crashing into the ocean. you make everyone feel worse because its the only way to make yourself feel better. its pathetic, really. schadenfreude isn't something pretty on you.

ive been holding my breath.
inhale,
exhale.

i hate sharing air with you. the air probably judges you anyway and sees every feeling i've ever had mixed with melancholy. im just a big machine of sadness and emptiness. something needs to take up that space, right? what's better than hatred?

i don't know how you managed to make someone hate you so much that its cancerous. i feel my body slowly being destroyed as it bursts at its seams with feelings of disdain and exanimation. the stitches holding me together are gently being cut apart by these razor sharp feelings.

cut me open and see what's beneath my skin. report back to me in the afterlife. im too busy thanking the grim reaper for taking me out of this world like i've so asked him to. he's a sweet guy if you get to know him, really. i don't think you'd ever figure that out though. you're immortal for the sole purpose of killing everyone and everything around you.

im wasting so much emotion on you. i have to open a window to air out all of your obliviousness. you know i hate you, you just don't wanna realize it. its pathetic. forgive and forget, so you say.

all of this makes me feel like a palm tree in the middle of a snowstorm. give me hail, give me rain, give me sleet, snow, and thunder, just give me anything but a livable life while you're at it.

you don't deserve my words, thoughts, or prayers. i guess i'll just send this letter out to god. i hope this weird guy in the sky grants my one wish of leaving this desolate castle isolated from anywhere else. the only thing for miles is the bars to the cage of my head. im a prisoner to my emotions.

sorry.