things my mom has said recently. a compilation

- started saying "real" to things

- i was talking abt fruit & she said "you're a fucking fruit ryan"

- "welcome to costco. i love you"

- "squirrels are going to ruin my liveliness" 

- "as the kids say - oh em gyatt" 

- "tbh idk lol lmfao smh brb" (all said outloud)

- "i need to smell like crocodile bear ass"

- "the ghosts. the ghosts, ryan"

- "it's like a timetraveller from satan's ass"

- "don't put your hair up you look like you're going to smash pumpkins" (this is how she bullies bald people) 

- "mormonism time!"

- "oh you want health insurance? FUCK YOU"

- "you're lucky i'm not my parents - you would be eating olive oil" 

- "i hate that eggs taste like eggs"

- "don't forget to give your aunt the brick" (this one was a while ago but still)

I will update regularly.

also im "as the kids say - oh em gyatt"