How to beat depression! (a tutorial)

How to beat depression! (a tutorial)

So a lot of yalls on here are sad mfs (understandable) and I want to do what I can to help!!

Of course, this is just my journey/experiences and it might not work for you! But it will probably help if you try and apply whichever of these stand out to you!

Of course, I'll be talking about depression/depressive symptoms in this! So TW for depression, suicidal ideation, etc. I’ll also talk about addiction and sh down later in the post but I’ll have a warning for those and clearly show from where to where to skip if you’d like to avoid reading those. 

Sections:
-Introduction
-Goals
-Inspiration

-Media
-Mentality
-Confidence
-Social mentality
-Addiction & SH
-reducing anxiety/panic attacks
-Conclusion

Introduction

I used to be depressed! I recently was able to overcome my depression and since then, I've genuinely enjoyed life. I know it may not feel like it, but depression doesn’t last forever. You’ll get through this. 

You ever heard people try and comfort you by saying “time heals everything”? You probably just brushed it off along with all the other meaningless condolences you get, right? That’s what I did when my 5th grade teacher said it to me the first time. Guess what? He was right. Mostly. Time helped a shit ton, but I also had to put in effort. . A few months ago, I saw that teacher in public and he asked how I was doing. I was able to confidently say I was doing great! That made me feel so fulfilled & proud of myself. That those 8 years of depression were worth ushing through. So, wait it out. You won’t be able to see how good life can be if you end it now.

Time + Effort = Getting better (constantly)

That’s my take on it, anyway. 

Goals

Honestly, I think the main thing that finally gave me that boost to kick depression was to plan ahead. Something in the future you can be excited towards. Something that you’re looking forward to so much you tell yourself “I can’t k!ll myself now, I have to experience this!” This could be getting a tattoo, a piercing, a car, going on a trip somewhere, anything that inspires you. For me, that was a Pierce The Veil Concert. It was especially helpful because it helped me kick a lot of my bad habits (more on that later). I was able to count down the days and get excited over it. The concert was much more satisfying because on top of seeing my favourite artist, it was also a celebration of how much progress I had made. Even after the concert, if I’m sad I can just look at all the videos I took and look back on how happy I was in that moment and how I want to be alive and experience that joy again. Pre-concert, picturing myself being that proud of myself helped me carry on during harder moments because I wanted to achieve that goal. Don’t you want that? Being able to be genuinely, wholeheartedly, proud of yourself? Picture it. Picture yourself a year from now, jumping for joy, because you’re proud of yourself. Reach for that goal with all you can, no matter how hard life gets, because you want to be happy (even if you don’t know it yet).

This has to be something (minimum) almost a year in the future, so you give yourself time to work on yourself. 

Inspiration

You gotta find some passions, hyperfixations, goals, heroes, all of that. Someone, or some people, that you can picture and think “I want to be like that” Whether it’s Gerard Way, or some dude you saw at the mall. Doesn’t matter. Important to note, you want to be LIKE that person and not BE that person. Because you are yourself and nobody else. How are you going to achieve that? Not by sitting on your ass all day. Identify certain hobbies, traits, ideologies that your idols have and get inspired. Learn guitar, work on a piece of art, anything. Go out and do something constructive. Go try and learn how to skateboard. Fall and look like an idiot. Get up and try again. You won’t be good the first time, but it’s that willingness to get up and keep trying, and to see progress overtime, that’s the important part. You build resilience, which is an important ability to learn and can help you with obstacles that are big & small. Plus, you get to learn a cool hobby that makes you look and feel badass! Which is also quite important. 

Media that you absorb

Sad media can sometimes be great!!! Like Omori, it genuinely changed my entire outlook on life. Or DDLC, that helped me understand my thought process better. Music, art, poetry, atmosphere... All of these were important to my growth. First, I had to understand, live and accept my depression before I could move past it.

 Be careful not to wrap yourself up in it. Balance is important. There’s a certain comfort in being sad, isn’t there? Don’t cling to that. You can visit it every once in a while, but don’t make it your main source of media absorption. You’ll drown yourself by being surrounded with sadness.

Mentality

You have to put in effort to change your mentality. You absolutely have the power to. Consistency is key. You might not be able to go out at 100% capacity every day, but every day that you can, you should.  Learning and expanding your knowledge is also very helpful. Never stop being curious & never stop seeking knowledge. Reading or watching youtube video essays on people giving advice is a good way to do this. Be careful, though, as sometimes they subconsciously can make you feel MORE sad, or they can steer you into wrong ideologies (ex Alpha Male Podcasts), so be mindful of catching onto those.

Confidence

Confidence is a total game changer. The way you perceive yourself?

Fake it till you make it. Every time you see your reflection, compliment yourself. It genuinely helps. Ironically complimenting yourself has significantly better effects on your subconscious mental health compared to jokingly degrading yourself. Right now. Look at your reflection in your screen, or turn to a mirror, and repeat after me. OUT LOUD! 

“Damn, I am a BABE today. I ATE and I look so good.” Do you feel silly? Maybe. I want you to do that every single time you see your reflection. Over time, you’ll start to mean it. 

Especially if you like fashion! Being able to customize your appearance like a video game character can make you feel so badass. That’s also a way I beat depression, it made me get out of bed. Instead of waking up and thinking “ugh just another day” i get to think “Yay! Another day to get up and put on a cute outfit. I wonder what I’ll wear today?” that’s something you curate over time when you develop a sense of style, which is something you never stop evolving.

This is a diagram I made based off how my therapist explained to me CBT (Correctional Behavioural Therapy)

What this means is that you get to make all the decisions that affect you. One change you make has an impact on the rest of the circle. So, go out there and be a confident baddie.

Where to start? It has to come from the inside, displayed on the outside. On top of my tips above, pay attention to your body language. Psychologically, your body language has an impact on your mentality. This is a key point in CBT, actually! So, when you’re just standing there in public, try to stand a little taller. If you stand confidently, it'll trick your brain into thinking you're comfortable and in charge of the situation. The opposite applies. If you sit very closed off, your sending yourself the signals to brace for impact and be invisible.

Look at the circle diagram! “How you act” is one of the points on it! See how it impacts the rest of the circle? Doing something so small like changing your posture can make a big difference! What else can you do?

Social mentality

Caring for other people is another way of caring for yourself. I’m not saying to become a people pleaser! But, having good interactions with strangers can be a little extra fuel to your day. Learning how to talk to people has boosted my confidence and makes me much more comfortable in situations I'd usually be uneasy in. This can reduce stress/anxiety significantly. Plus, it’s a life skill that’s important to develop. It teaches you that being uncomfortable is okay, and sometimes you need to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to grow.

Approach people with the idea that you want to make their day better! That’s the goal. Naturally, that energy is going to reflect right back at you. Good energy.

“Help!! How do I talk to people??” is something you might be thinking. Start small. Use positive body language, shoot someone a smile when you pass on the street. Then, give someone a compliment, talk to the cashier at a store rather than asking your friends to do it. Baby steps. Maybe you’ll eventually work up the courage to make small talk with those people.

A good place to do that is the mall! Lots of cool people there to talk to. There’s a good mix of total strangers and employees you might get familiar with over time! The place I developed my social skills the most at was my local market. People there tend to be very friendly and there’s a sense of community. Going consistently helps develop those relationships. 

Once you’ve mastered this, maybe join some clubs at school! They may not all be a hit but you’ll likely be able to hold some conversations with more confidence. Or, when the semester changes and you get new classes! People typically find their class friends within the first week of class change, so act fast and act first! Having class friends makes the day much more enjoyable. I think it’s easier if you try and talk to introverts. For the most part, they’ll be happy if you’re trying to talk first.

For this kind of advice, I’ve found youtubers Newel of Knowledge and Ariel Nu to be super helpful!! Remember: Being uncomfortable is part of learning!

Addiction, Intrusive thoughts & Self-inflicted destructive behaviour

This section, while very important, may not be for everyone! I’ll add a gif at the beginning & end of the section so you can scroll if need be 

Addiction

Addiction is dangerous. It swallows you and makes you feel like you’re drowning when you were just trying to dip your toes in the water. It’s part of that comforting sadness.

I used to be dangerously addicted to caffeine. I felt awful. It was a form of being self destructive to me, on top of the caffeine itself being addictive. I had a few strategies that I used to kick it, along with sh, and they are as follows: My 4 R’s: Recognition, rationing, replacing & reducing

Recognizing: I thought about why i was drinking so much coffee and that the pros & cons were of it (the cons significantly outweigh the pros). I realized that it was ruining my life and that I had to cut back on caffeine for things in my life to change. 

“Rations/coupons”: I would limit myself to x amount of coffees a day. So, for example, I would tell myself something like “It's lunch now, and I had a coffee this morning. That means I only have one coffee coupon left today. I could either use it now, or use it later when I leave school.” And then i’d think about how it might be more satisfying to have one later in the day, so that helped me cut out that one lunch coffee that day. Doing that most days helped me cut back long term. You can also have a day that’s like your last day you’re allowed to do x thins. Pick a tough day and that’s like your last day and as soon as it hits midnight no more of x after that. This means you can allow yourself to do it on that last day more leniently with a little less self-pity after. Of course, be safe, don’t do anything extreme. This is to get better, not worse. 

Replacements; I didn’t use this one personally, but I heard it works for a lot of people. For example, people trying to cut back on alcohol switch to Pepsi, then might switch to sparkling water. Use what works with your situation.

Reduction; I would reduce the negative/addictive effects that I would get (from drinking coffee). I would often drink it on an empty stomach (it was more “satisfying” that way). I realized how badly it could impact me long term so I added a rule that I had to have food with my coffee and eat it at the same time. This would either lessen the impacts of the coffee, or make me skip it entirely (which would usually end up with me eating something else later because i didn't have the coffee to suppress my appetite) 

On top of the 4 R’s, there’s that goal from earlier. The concert. I looked forward to it and it was a big motivator to limit my caffeine consumption because I wanted to feel good at that concert, unlike the sickness I was putting myself through every day. 

Plus, that initial goal got me to quit cold turkey on sh. Aside from 1 or 2 incidents, I was majoritively clean for the 200+ days between buying the tickets and going to the concert. I’ve been clean ever since :)  

I know that sh is super addictive and can make you do pretty fvcked up things. My best advice is to quit while you’re ahead. Don’t start. Don’t “oh I’ll just try it once to know what it feels like” that shit. Nuh-uh. If you have done it, it’s never too late to quit. These are some other strategies to quit addiction (but perhaps more sh centred) that can help.

Reductions: Reduce the harm you're doing to yourself! My favourite method is by using one of these bad boys. 

They're not legal everywhere so check with your country. I'm in Canada and nobody's said anything. They won't really care as long as you don't use it on someone or bring it to a concert or something. 

I like to press them against my fingertips/my palm when I get stressed out. It's pretty discreet, too. You can satisfy that urge for pain/stimulation before it can escalate. They get more dull as you wear it, so overtime it becomes less harmful. They're also nice as a replacement, so when you leave the house, instead of grabbing your usual tool, you can make the decision to grab this instead. You'll still have that comfort of having the ability to give yourself that pain stimulation but with harm reduction.

Quick Distractions:

Distractions: Comfort shows/movies/hobbies

Ice/Cold water: This one is pretty common, the cold starts to sting after a while

Rubber band/Hair tie: same as above

Going Outside: Very helpful one. Underdress for the weather if it’s cold, it’ll give you that same feeling as holding ice. Plus, when you get stressed out and pumped with adrenaline (ex: panic attack), your body pumps your muscles with hormones so you have the energy to run/fight from danger. Those don’t get used when you’re not fighting something physical. If you go out and use those muscles, it uses up all those hormones in your muscles and makes you feel less stressed out!

Writing poetry/art: Express those emotions in a healthy way boo

Rejection: An option my therapist taught me. When you get an intrusive thought, basically just yell “Nuh-uh” in your head and move on. It’s not allowed to be there so you just tell it to stop. This doesn’t always work, though. If I tell you NOT to picture a seagull right now, what are you thinking? Probably about that seagull.

Acceptance: This is another one my therapist taught me. When an intrusive thought pops in your head, accept it, realize why it’s there, and move on. 

Music: This is kind of part of acceptance, but listening to music that has something to do with ur problem is really helpful. It’s something you can focus on, but can also be in the background. Plus, with instruments and all, the lyrics aren’t your main focus. This is my playlist (big tw ofc, with song titles and lyrics and such) so it might give you some ideas! https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrSUsoWh2KoEWsCJloJrxNqr_Znig4do_&si=rlrp8WlA3BUPgRN9

Guilt: This one is kind of silly (and chronically online of me), but it genuinely works. I’ll listen to a song from my above playlist and tell myself something like “Vic Fuentes wouldn’t want me to do this. I would feel bad if he knew his lyrics didn’t stop me from sh-ing” and that gets me to stop. It doesn’t work if I picture someone I actually know, only famous people. But if it works, it works.

Longer Term:

Guitar: Guitar was a HUGE one for me. It’s the reason why I have pics of my guitars under the “My Heroes” section in my page. When you first start playing guitar, that sh!t hurts. You don’t have calluses on your fingertips yet. This means that when you press on the strings, your fingers feel a sharp, stinging sensation. Sound familiar? Over time, you get to play more complicated songs, like the ones from my above playlist, so you get to express those emotions via guitar. As you get better, the pain lessens (you develop calluses). And as you use this strategy more and more, your brain changes its automatic wiring for what to reach for when it gets stressed out.  “Im stressed out -> let's do something destructive” evolves into “Im stressed out -> let’s play guitar!”

Reducing anxiety/panic attacks

I haven’t gotten those in a while so my info might not be as helpful. What is helpful is understanding your mind and how it works!

When you get a spike in anxiety, your instincts go crazy. Back when we were cavemen, the human body was designed to always be conscious of potential danger and to act on it. There were bears and wolves around and you had to be on your guard to survive. Nowadays, we don’t have that kind of potential threat as often. That’s why the body freaks out over seemingly random things. It’s searching for somewhere to let out that instinctive behaviour. 

Neurons that fire together stay together. That’s why random things might seem triggering to you. If you were stressed out by an incident, like for some reason you were in class and someone yelled at you and that freaked you out. Your brain might have latched onto something as unimportant as one of the posters on the wall and now every time you see that poster, without you realizing the cause, your anxiety spikes. It’s up to you to identify those triggers and understand them. Maybe have some exposure therapy with whatever those may be.

Strategies like 5 senses, Grounding, Listening to music are all great ways to reduce the effects of a spike in anxiety. 

(next points partially copy-pasted from above section)

Going outside, too! : Your body pumps your muscles with hormones so you have the energy to run/fight from this figurative bear. Those don’t get used when you’re not fighting something physical. If you go out and use those muscles, by walking or exercising,  it uses up all those hormones in your muscles and makes you feel less stressed out!

Rejection: An option my therapist taught me. When you get an intrusive thought, basically just yell “Nuh-uh” in your head and move on. It’s not allowed to be there so you just tell it to stop. This doesn’t always work, though. If I tell you NOT to picture a seagull right now, what are you thinking? Probably about that seagull.

Acceptance: This is another one my therapist taught me. When an intrusive thought pops in your head, accept it, realize why it’s there, and move on. 

Conclusion!!

Those are all the major points that I can think of! I might add more in the future. Let me know if you have any other strategies or post a comment so this can reach more people!! I really just want to help as many people as possible <3

Knowledge & Understanding yourself is key!

IMs always open!

<3