Disclaimer: The opinions and statements expressed in these old diary entries reflect my thoughts at the time they were written. They are subject to change and may not represent my current views or beliefs.

Dear Diary,

Why does everybody love my brother but they dont love me?

THE STORY

Papa, Mommy, lola [tl: grandmother], lolo [tl: grandfather], loves my brother because they say:

he's smart

he's intelliogent

he's nice

he's "buotan" [tl: a good kid]

he's "innocent"

and my family treats me like a:

servant

advicer

and they say i'm:

"bulok" or dull [tl: bulok is dumb]

"palaaway" [tl: bully]

bad

greedy

and the worst thing of all he lies!!! and my family thinks his innocent...

for example

when we are playing pillow fight and then when he losses [loses] he will hit me with something solid into my head! and then after hitting me he starts to cry then when mommy arrives he will blame the [that] i hit him, but when i start to explain, they, mommy won't listen to me so i walk out of door, hed [head] down to the floor.

And every time papa goes to an urgent place or go grocery he alway's say to me that:

"[redacted] ayaw kamo pag-away ni [little brother] sanan mag away gani kamo na ija saya ikaw gihapon ako bunayan."

[tl: [redacted] don't bully/fight your [little brother]. and if ever you do and its his fault, you're still to blame]

see? and i am not lying, they really my brother morer and mucher and toner[?} than me.

And my only hope is [my] [aunt] she understands me, she loves me and she knows what is blitz true personality is that why i'm always happy when she visits here.

Depressed =(

Sincerely yours,

[redacted]

notes: okay so reading this one made me feel just a little  bit emotional.

these were times when my little brother was more favored than i was, and you can tell it greatly affected me. since i was the older sister, i was expected to tolerate whatever antics/mess my little brother was up to. even if that meant tanking all the blame for all the mistakes he's done. both of us were always compared, and i would get the second place treatment because they thought he was smarter (despite me getting first place in everything and trying to prove myself to them before he started school). i still remember vividly the scenario i used an example. me and my little brother were in our room, i was doing  my own thing and he was doing his. out of the blue he suddenly wanted my attention but i completely ignored him since i was busy. he got mad and threw, iirc it was a remote at me. i got mad at him, he starts crying, mom gets home, he starts lying and i get reprimanded for being a bad sister, lol.

i still love my brother until now, despite everything.