Exhausted

its all too much. way too muchh. My family doesn't understand where I come from about my identity and me being transgender, like they want to ignore it in hopes It somehow just goes away(it won't). I have a trans friend, I met her at the end of 10th grade and when 
I tell you she looks fucking gorgeous. I'm really happy for her, but I'm also really jealous. Her hair, her nails, her curves, her everything. She's everything that I want to be, and I hope she's happy too. it hurts to see all of the beautiful women, both trans and cis live their lives feeling beautiful while I'm stuck with constant body hair, deadnaming, dysphoria, shaving none stop, and just struggling to give myself even the slightest of reason to hold on, but I'd rather it be me stuck in endless self hatred than her. she deserves the world and great things from our heavenly father above. she's the reason I want to draw closer to god, to build our relationship. I'm really glad she gave me the opportunity of being her friend.

I hope she's single :>

jk

not rlly tho