SOS GUYS also if your name is aria ignore this thnk yew kween

OH MY GOODNESS. middle of this year I finally thought I was going somewhere with my long term crush but of course I only went and ruined things. long story short I got superduper nervous that I'd made her uncomfortable and that she didnt love me as much as she loved her online boy bestfriend and i cut off the situationship after her telling me to let go after i persisted her for an answer like the idiot i am. anyway, a few months after that she actually started dating her online boybestfriend and theyve been together since. hes literally a complete dick though!! he treats her like shit and fucking manipulates her and shit, ad he was nasty to me on a multitude of occasions (but that doesnt really matter). 

Thing is, she's thought of and attempted to break up with him so many times its insane, he always begs her to stay, and not that i blame him, she is honestly an angel and could be described as the most beautiful cluster of stars and atoms in the entirety of every universe combined and all of time and space, but the fact is, and this is going to sound super selfish of me, but i dont think he deserves her. not one bit.

ive spent so so so long trying to get over her and i very nearly did, up until recently. she told me that it was over between them and theyre no longer talking to eachother but not even a few days later, she resolved what he was connivingly forcing her to do and she hasnt told me any more details. I think I saw her messaging him in one of our lessons out the corner of my eye and i honest;y feel betrayed. i tell her almost everything yet I feel shes going behind my back in a way. maybe she thinks itll be better for me if i dont know they are back together -if they are- but honestly i kindof wish she could read this so i could tell her its actually making it worse. my head keeps convincing myself that i can maybe have another chance with her and do it right this time, yet i know it can't happen. and i hate everything about that. ive tried other people but nobody is like her, ive never had the same feelings for anyone but her. 

but yeah sos chat ESS OH ESS