Older men suck 😭

12/7/24 - Well a few days ago I tried to have a conversation to him about how this would be going, what he wanted from this and I needed him to be honest. He dodged the questions a lot but from subtle responses I picked up that he wasn't ready to be ina relationship and couldn't commit. I'm so annoyed because I wasted a year of my life with this guy, and fought so many inner thoughts, my morals the things I hold dear just to be with him  because he's 15 years older. I'm also annoyed he couldn't give me a proper goodbye, like this entire thing meant nothing to him. Obviously I'll get over it soon but right now I'm just broken more than ever, and it feels like my feeling of not being able to be lovable and only f*ckable is correct. I have had some distractions in the form of a new friends and a book I was reading "My Dark Vanessa" which actually broke me and made me see myself in her and what I could be with him, and I realized that, that isn't something I want. But I just can't stop thinking about him when I'm alone. I wonder if he thinks about me, his own Dark Vanessa.