The desire for something i could never touch

I honestly am starting to think about this more and more as months and weeks go on, and its something i feel like i should test is true, but not now.

honestly, i prefer having an online long distance relationship rather than something local and nearby.

to many, if i were to tell some common normie kid at my school that this is what i want, many people would be quick to go "WHAT IF THEY'RE A 79 YEAR OLD MAN!" "you wanna do that just so you can cheat" "Go touch some grass" "You're a forever virgin" 

i want to say that's idiotic, but then again, many HighSchool kids are naive. me included.

every online relationship i've had, 3, have been so much better than the 1 experience i had irl.

yes, "Just one? isn't that harsh to judge an entire area of dating based off one person?"

not when you learn about all the negatives and positives, the constant reads of relationship advice to try and fix things, the abuse, the terror, the agony on your mind, makes you completely realize, maybe this is something i don't want.

my irl ex is a very. very complex situation to explain.

 the easiest way to say it is i reboundd to a schizophrenic guy after a previous very strong breakup with a guy i knew online in Missouri. that schizo dude, was very mentally unwell, and would not let me leave him, and it was absolutely impossible to avoid him because he knew all my classes and where i spend most of my freetime. i was trapped with a guy i so desperately tried to accept because it was all i had. and i couldn't leave. but eventually that's all i wanted. we argued a lot to the point i tried breaking up with him for the last time after multiple failed attempts, and punched him in the face and ripped out some of his hair out of fear, and then running off. 2 days later my mom got a call from CPS and a Call from my school that id be in detention. i don't want to explain those painful weeks.

the kid called cps and made a false call and tried to ruin my life. in some ways, he has. but not all.

i eventually had to move schools, and i enjoy my new HighSchool so much more than my old one.

that single relationship made me realize, god, i could never date someone from school at all.

If many people say "You should never date in the workplace" shouldn't it be the same for dating in school? once you break up, you can never avoid that person. you go to the same school. all i would ever think about is how im in the same building with someone who crawls into every nook in my brain, and i would want to move schools again. and i cant do that.

if i date someone online, so much problems i fear can be avoided

- No sexual touches or risks of getting infection

- if we break up it is easy to take time to yourself and move on

- you learn how to love someone for their personality rather than looks 

- There is much more privacy and you don't feel as forced to perform

- More to talk about, as your partner is not experiencing all the same things as you depending on where you live (different school/family/friend stories to tell

all of this makes me instantly want an online relationship so much more.

so many horrible things happened to me with just 1 irl relationship, that honestly i could never see a reason to date a guy or girl in person again.

i just wish i felt more normal for wanting something so weird like this

everyone would think i'm a freak by saying this, but spacehey is my safe haven. away from modern hurtful media on twitter or insta. i don't have to worry here.

unrelated, but the song i'm listening to is making me really emotional while writing this.

"Nothing Further From The Truth"

really fucking good song..damn..

-Cozmite