Life update

About a year and a half ago I met a girl at church.  She was kind and breathtakingly beautiful.  The next day, she gave me a note saying she liked me.  I wasn’t sure if I liked her or not because I still kind of liked this other person.  After a while my heart settled on the girl from church so I wrote her a poem confessing my love.  On new years, our church had a lock in during which she told me she loved me.  We were deeply in love for the better part of a year but her parents wouldn’t let her date till she was 15.  Shortly after she did and before I could work up the courage to ask her out, she ended it and broke my heart.  I had loved her more than I’ve ever loved someone.  More than anybody has loved someone.  Now I carry a constant burden, knowing what I lost.  It feels like there’s a knot in my chest that never goes away.  I still see her at church and each time I think my heart can’t hurt more but then it does.  She likes someone Elsa now and I keep convincing myself she’s over him but each time she’s not and it hurts.  I can’t even begin to describe how much pain I feel.  It’s like being stabbed in the chest over and over and over again.  Sometimes it feels like all I know is pain.  I can’t even remember what it was like being happy.