Abt that random guy asking for my messages/number

So, i think i might actually be okay.

kind of.

the way it all played out at first was kind of weird, from what i can recall from memory, he had just kinda stated how he was struggling with a relationship, and then immediately asked if i could be "one" (his gf) so of course, i used the classic "I'm taken by my gf" line, and it worked. though, after i had said that, he began to be all like "Man im worthless" and "i litterally have no purpose" and like....

that feels really, really fucking guilt trippy???

sure, i understand being single can suck...but being taken isn't either, and like i said in my last blog post, being desired can be super fucking stressful, and has brought me to the worst fucking places in my life, and added to my lore wayy, WAYYYY too fucking much.

honestly, being single has made me feel...really...really good rather than it has been being taken. im honestly afraid of people trying to ask me out. i really don't understand what makes people so afraid of being single, you can actually have alone time and focus on yourself instead of trying to build off or rely on another person to make your day go well, because without it, you'll feel absolutely horrible.

and anyways, i dont think i would get with that guy anyways. we don't have too much in common that would make me interested. i know it sucks to friendzone, but that's ultimately what i'm kinda going for. and fortunately, its set in stone.

im supposed to be a total loner and in isolation, and him coming up to me to ask me for my number yesterday is really taking me off track. i need to figure out how to be really annoying, but not make myself a bad person. i just need to bother him enough to the point he wont want to talk to me or will end up ghosting me without speaking bad things about me behind my back or anything like that.

hopefully ill get him to go away. he is a very kind kid, but even the people who have been the most kindest to me i've totally cut out of my life. so. i really, really shouldn't have anyone able to contact my messages. i know eventually i'll snap at that kid if i dont get him away before its too late.

dude i sound emo as fuck saying this gay shit.

fuck.

damn......