i miss him, 0.5 (𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠!! : mention of grooming)

i thought he would be with me forever, he made me feel loved and gave me the attention I never received. i felt safe and wanted, i remember the first time we met. but that was online because no body likes me at school or anywhere actually! TvT

i miss him so bad it hurts, i hate myself for everything I dont know why im always self sabotaging even though it is what I want. everything is always my fault and i have so much hatred for myself for it, can i just escape already? 

i told my online friends about it on discord. they said he was grooming me. :C ,, i cant believe it, i dont want to believe he was. i wanted to forget about my past and find someone but thats impossible for me because of my avoidant attachment style and disgusting behaviour i cant seem to control. 

i am pathetic and vulnerable. did u really love me, light? or were u just playing with my feelings? either way, id continue loving u. i hope u found someone better than me. 

just want u to know u shattered my heart but i will always beg for u to come back and love me again.