Yeah

I know this blog is going to be different from the rest, I'll bring my fangirl ones again I swear.

But can we talk about an emotional weight someone can put on you by already planning a life with you when you are not even ready for it? I mean it's okay to imagine a life together forever, but that just terrifies me, because I do want love but not in that way, I know I still care about them but is just this feeling of terror thinking of that.

I just wanted to make clear that all of this emotional weight that I carried thinking I needed to comply their wishes of being with them sucks, now that I said what I feel It's way worse beacuse now I feel guilty about my thoughts and stuff, even tho I don't have to cause in the end It's me I need to look out for more than anyone even I love that someone. I know it sounds selfish but in this case I go first, which I did and I'm kinda glad of, but also I feel sad someting so pretty like this had to end.

I tried to be kind and respectfull with them, adressing my feelings in the best way possible but this person decided to just trying to use this pain I'm feeling to feel pity and bad, which worked because as I said before I do still care about them and they know it, and I mean, we had only two months since we've been dating, which is not long, and they were already planning a life together with me. I'm young and I still think when my fav band (Franz Ferdinand if it is not obvious lol) is going to release their album, what I mean is that I'm not in the age or even mood to think about having a life together, I want to live I want to sing I want to fangirl over Alex. They were not happy with this which made me feel really bad, also he came with weird uncomfortable questions like "are you a virgin?" man wtf.

What makes me feel totally "wow you really just did that" was the intant unfollow and unlike everything in my social media, bro we're the same age and I'm even more mature than you, I know what feels best for me than you, I know how to handle situations like a grown adult that is what I am (young adult) than you, I know how to adress my feelings in a respectfull and kind way and not trying to manipulate the others when things don't go your way, like you do. And I'm glad I know that my mentality is way better than yours that is capable of handling things with reasoning and logic and responsability, no throwing manipulative stragities to literally try to win me back. World doesn't work like that sweetheart.

Gosh that's all, I have a Michael by Franz Ferdinand blog in the drafts, I'll post it later.