TRAUMA DUMP (1)

In 6th grade I met this person named Alyssa but they changed their name to Alex. I commented on their WoF drawing and they said thank you and I said do you want to be friends? At lunch I met Jade, Emmett and Gabby (still my friends to this day) At the time I still had she/her pronouns and went by my real name. A few months later Alex started to change and then I realized they're going love crazy for jade and in 9th period Vocal class we were in a practice room (At the time it was a storage room so it was a mess and Emmett wasn't here) We were fighting for the first time because we were fed up with Alex's behavior the way they were being rude to us or they ignore us and the way we feel or don't take us seriously. I was going through a rough time and I was going though gender dysphoria and I lost touch with myself. Then I was not friends with them (Wasn't the last time though) Alex called her a slut as they were saying sorry (That's when Jade cut her ties with Alex) and Alex IS STILL IN LOVE WITH JADE (;;;・_・) And I was guilt tripped into becoming friends with them 5 TIMES. 5. And everytime I was friends with them I WAS USED AS A PAWN (I was also going by Toni at the time) AND THEN THEY MAKE ME THINK JADE WAS TOXIC ONE! ಠ,_｣ಠ and that BROKE Jade's heart and I RUINED A PERFECTLY FINE FRIENDSHIP FOR A TOXIC ONE and now Alex is friends with all my friends. THEN IN 7TH GRADE I DID'NT LEARN MY LESSON (╯ರ ~ ರ)╯︵ ┻━┻ But it ended quickly when I pushed them to the ground...But then I met another Alex (Alex N) and she was the complete opposite (She is in 9th grade) and met her because I kept staring at her in class and was so nervous to talk to her but then I got the confidence to talk and then we became friends and in the past weeks I learn that she went to the mental hospital and that she used to be transgender and I came out about all my suffering to her and was supportive about it and she was like a older sister to me. And then I made a new friend group with 6th graders! ( /^ω^)/♪♪ and then I met Brutus and he has DID and told me more about it and his alters....(I kept forgetting his pronouns..he/him....ಠ,_｣ಠ) but then we bonded over things (BTW HE'S A 10TH GRADER ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽) I realized how much I given to Alex (Alyssa) and all the autistic love I gave to them and the way the manipulated that and then I found out about autistic trauma and realized i have trauma from them and I cant even sit near them in class be cause of my panic attacks and they give me dirty looks or flips me off..and that makes me feel unwanted at school and Alex is a wanna be emo like she likes basic emo music AND NOW I CAN'T LISTEN TO MY CEMICAL ROMANCE BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF THEM (༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ) AND ONE DAY WHEN I WAS DOING MY SONG FOR KARAOKE AND IT WAS GREEN DAY SHE WAS LIKE "Oh green day-oh ugh" BECAUSE I WAS SINGING ☠ LIKE THEY'RE ALSO DRAMATIC FOR NO REASON LIKE DUDE IT'S NOT SO SERIOUS!!!!!!! And she's also a actor but she like a try hard. In class (5th period) they're such a teacher's pet and they try to be the teacher or help the teacher when even though the teacher told her not to ಠ_ಠ and I just die when they're near me because I think they're judging me..and I had to leave my D&D friend group because they were in it.