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I haven't written in years, but this is what happens on quiet nights when I'm awake with only my thoughts, and I guess I'm finally ready to write them down again...
I tried to keep my walls up...
Tried to keep you out.
Tried to protect what was left of my heart
From the pain I knew would follow.
You gave me hope...made me believe
Tore down my walls and went on your way...
I should've listened to my gut and my brain.
If I'd ignored my stupid heart,
I'd have saved myself some of this pain.
It's hard to breathe and hard to sleep,
The pain is at times paralyzing
Especially at night with only my thoughts
Attacking and drowning my heart, soul, and brain.
I thought you were different...
Thought I actually meant something...
Guess the joke's on me...
Guess I should've seen it coming.
I'm so tired of mixed signals and games,
Tired of wondering and guessing and playing.
Tired of being a last resort...
A fallback for when things don't go someone's way.
Wish someone could see past the small little flaws,
To the woman I am, who's never been enough...
But then why would you want someone like me,
Someone who can't even see her own self worth
In a sea of beautiful people who deserve you more?
Don't build someone up and lead them along if you're intentions aren't true and they're not what you want...
For now I'll keep moving and fighting and searching my path,
Building back up my walls till their strong enough to last
Remembering the lessons learned...
To protect my broken heart from again being burned.
~Felicia Cartner~
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