i have a huge fear of being asked out.

so, i know i have it stated on my profile that im single, not dating anyone, and while thats true

that isnt really something i like to admit. to anyone. at all.

i am in no state to be in a relationship, romantically and expecially not sexually.

this is actually kinda messy so let me clear this up-

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A few weeks ago i broke up with my gf, and although were on good terms, i strongly believe i wont be able to find anyone like her ever again. she was the perfect girl i had ever dated, and even beforehand, she was a friend that i extremely cared about, and still is now, shes sweet, talented, emotional, and really kind, yet shes learned how to put her foot down and be assertive, which is admirable, really.

but now that im single. i honestly dont see myself dating anybody i know.

not one person in my life i feel like could bring me more than that joy i felt than dating my gf.

it should be easy for me, as im only interested in having something long distance, because the irl relationship i had made my life a living hell, and even if it wasnt as bad, i would still turn out disturbed from the situation. only online relationships i've had have been way better than that.

and even then, nobody stands out. i dont see anyone i want. and the worst part is that i am a prime target for being asked out.

i know im gonna sound like a self obsessed jerk saying this, but i see myself as really attractive, and its something that makes me confident. and also makes me afraid at the same time.

getting "Looks" and "comments" from people doesnt always feel good. sure, it gives me the convidence to believe im really pretty, but it also brings really weird people who wanna use you and whatnot right to your doorstep. really weird people. expecially irl.

ive been teling so many people i still have a gf because of this, and i know lying is bad, but i'm afraid. its the only way i know that i can reject someone in a way that doesnt make me seem like a bad guy. its just upsetting really..

i had someone ask for my number and then not even 10 messages in they asked me out, and i said i had a gf.

i hope my ex isn't mad at me for doing this. i really hope she isnt. i care about her a lot, but i dont want people who would make me unhappy to date me. i need to genuinely start caring about my life and the dating decisions i make. i feel like i should at least be single until like- january or febuary, i hardly even think im remotely ready for anything else at all, and many people dont understand that, and will still act harsh towards you regardless.

i dont want anyone to date. im happy being single. theres nobody else i would want, ever. this is the way i want it to be, this is the way its supposed to be.