When In Doubt, Just Give It Some Time

Have I ever mentioned that the best part about event management is the free food you get to take home once in a while? There's really nothing better than stealing* catering from backstage at ungodly hours of the night or coming into office the next day being greeted by a bunch of leftover snacks. 

Reminds me of the time me and my friends had borderline "bougee" breakfast at a festival cuz I took all the expensive fruit and avocados with me from the Beartooth concert a day before. 

*(I'm joking. We always let artists and crew eat first and whatever is left over can be taken after curfew, once the artists have left the backstage area. P.S.A. Don't just go and disturb artists or you'll get sued.)

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Boredom makes you do anything

Like painstakingly learning HTML coding through trial and error. 

Could I have just looked up tutorials on how to insert profile pic frames or move around elements on a page? Sure, I could have. But instead I opted to look at layout codes with similar end results that I wanted and created my own Frankenstein's monster of a code. Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of this stuff would probably rip out their hair once they see the gibberish I crafted. I most likely could have achieved the same thing with a lot less text but ay, it works and that's all that matters. No one on here can see the code behind my profile after all...I hope.

I still don't understand jack-shit about coding and IT though. The only thing I am good at is recognizing patterns and reapplying them, all the while hoping that they CAN be applied at a different spot. 

I do however love how you can fall into a rabbit hole while designing/creating your profile so easily. Learning something new is fun once you are actually interested in a topic. There are so many niche resource pages to be found here, every link is like a mystery bag. trying to find a specific type of graphic/image is near impossible though. At least for me it is, so far. It took me ages to even find out what terms to search for to find "pfp frames". Especially PNG's instead of rentry masks/templates (which, I must admit, I also have never heard of before...I wasn't that active on tumblr). 

You learn something new everyday, I guess.

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AI has made us lazy

to a very scary degree, actually. 

Being part of the VERY STRONG "anti-AI" brigade, it is unfathomably worrisome to see how dumbed down a lot of people have become ever since Chat bots like ChatGPT have gained popularity. People can't think for themselves anymore and quite frankly, they seem to not want to either. 

From writing E-Mails, simple workout routines or even attempting to use it for whole academic works, the overuse of artificial intelligence knows no bounds. Like seriously, not even being able to write mails or do the smallest of research for basic stuff is incredibly dangerous. A lot of people don't realize how these AI assistances work. They don't give you facts and definitely not the truth, but what it thinks what you WANT to hear based on the material is was trained on. Besides, the rewarding feeling of having made something yourself and actually having put work into it is often overlooked. Even if said work comes with stress, time requirement and frustration at times, it is still important to feel these things. Only that way are you able to develop. Only that way can you gain critical thinking in a world where everything is fake, fast, and fully regurgitated trash. You HAVE to get through feeling uncomfortable to actually learn and enrich your life. 

"I have no idea about workouts so I had no idea where to begi-" YouTube.

...It's as simple as that. Just search for "beginners workout" and boom you have thousands of resources at the tip of your finger in milliseconds.  ESPECIALLY resources made and accumulated by experience of other people. You can bet your ass that the info in those workout videos will be 5 times more reliable than anything that AI spits at you. 

Have the masses forgotten that we did the exact same research work before AI was even a thing? It really doesn't take any longer than asking a chat bot either. Until you have managed to refine a prompt in a way that you get the answer you want, I could have accumulated enough sources to give you an answer as well...a nuanced answer at that.

On top of that, the fact that the use of AI is bad for the environment as well as unethical as hell gets thrown out the window frequently. I notice friends and colleagues using it EVEN THOUGH they know. What infuriates me the most are the ones who preach for eco friendly living but don't give a fuck about this exact aspect of AI usage. Using AI is easily the most avoidable thing you could do and yet here you are. What a dream it must be to be sit on such a high horse with a false halo on your head. 

Hypocrites, all of you.

Not even to mention what a danger generative AI is for the whole spectrum of arts and culture work. It steals and takes without consent, doesn't credit and isn't regulated. You can depict anyone doing anything if you only put in a few words into that machine. It has even come so far as to letting anyone SAY anything regardless of who they are. Especially voice actors and musicians should be LIVID about this. And while I have seen some uproar under the former groups, it disappoints me deeply how the art of music isn't treated the same. From using voices form artists who passed away to conjuring up fully AI generated songs, all of it is just disgusting to me. It's highly disrespectful to exploit a dead artists popularity in such a way. I don't care that is "gives fans new music to look forward to"; grief is part of the human experience and should be worked through instead of being ignored. 

AI should be used as an assistance. Instead it is being pushed to replace human creativity and treated as a gateway for emotional escapism, a vehicle racing straight into a dead end, a lack of critical thinking. People have become cowardice, dumb and ignorant.

You have to find comfort in feeling uncomfortable. You have to find the courage to feel.

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Take my breath away

or more like "the pain off of my shoulders". That's at least what I would ask of the corsets in my closet. 

Since my insurance company denied my request for a surgery (at least my first attempt), I have started to wear corsets a lot more. Ok granted, I have recently bought some new ones on sale that are closer to every day apparel. Most people think of underwear when picturing a corset I assume. The store where I get all of mine from offers quite a bunch of corseted garments though, such as tops and dresses with built in steel bones. I was able to snatch a black vest-like top on their recent sale which looks quite fancy (though simple). It's easier to combine than a regular corset, but still I guess I have to get creative to wear the others at some point. Can't wear the same one all the time after all since you can't wash corsets....

Not normally anyway. I'd have to bring them to a cleaning service every time which I just don't have the time for if I'd have to do it frequently. 

Maybe I just have to take on that responsibility in exchange of benefits wearing them brings me. These thingies are actually a lot more comfortable than you might think. While, yes, I may not be able to exercise in them or contort my body an inhuman amount, they really don't restrict me as much as stereotypes may suggest. It's honestly no different than not wanting to wear jeans to the gym or high heels to go hiking. And contrary to common belief they do not break your ribs or suffocate you to the point of fainting. You aren't supposed to tighten a corset to such an extend anyway, these garments are there to function as a support just like a bra. 

Which is exactly why I wear them. Not only do they help my posture and accentuate natural bodily shapes, it also means I don't have to wear a bra (when choosing an overbust corset, I might add). Funnily enough a corset feels even less restrictive because the pressure is distributed over a larger area. Any weight is held by more support. 

The skin tight fit gets rid of any insulation layers though. Which means if I'm not careful I'll freeze my nips off...

All in all this by FAR isn't a permanent solution though. I am still trying to get my tits chopped off for good it's only a question of who will pay for it >:(

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I've lost my spark

I finally managed to gather all the presents for peoples upcoming birthdays and my god was it a load of work. Whatever kind of burnout has been plaguing me certainly didn't stop at my ability to care for friends. It literally feels like im incased in a thick fog full of white noise, preventing me from getting anything done. 

Even though I managed to gather at least SOMETHING for everyone I'm definitely not really happy with the results. And I think that is noticeable by the reactions I have received so far... 

For one friend, I made some bracelets. One with a bisexuality theme and one with semi precious stones and a hand painted Band Logo Bead in the middle, as well as a Pin. He didn't seem to be very thrilled about it. Took the pin for an earring (???) which baffles me. 

For one of my best friends I have made clip on earrings since she can't get her ears pierced. And while I tried my best to cater to the rough design wishes she DID give me, I am really unsure if she will like them. Besides those I have agreed to share getting a gift with another of her friends, since the item cost a tad bit more. While that's nothing unusual, I feel bad about it still. It feels like I haven't put enough effort into it. As if I am cheating my way through an easy way out. 

Still have to write a letter to accompany the gift...Maybe that way I can redeem myself a bit.

Because what am I worth if I can't be of use? Why else would people keep me around if one of my core traits ceased to remain intact? I am know for being the "giver" and that is all I am. So if I fail to fulfill my duty nothing but a shell reminiscent of my likeness will remain. Nothing of value will be left behind. 

For yet another friend I have bought an underbust corset, since hers is very cheap and does not sit right. I tried to find one that look similar to hers since I wasn't sure if she would appreciate any sort of pattern or fabric change. Now I just hope it's actually similar enough for her to be able to use it. It's also the first time ordering from that specific store (faster shipping since its in the EU) so I can't be certain about the quality yet either. If the item turns out to be unusable I have really no clue what to do. Everything she wished for other guests already got for her. 

Honestly if they'd come to me uttering specific wishes, I will have no problem trying to fulfill them. I'll craft anything they would like, would get anything they need. But this fog I am stuck in makes it hard to think of things on my own. Like some sort of limbo...

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At the very least I got my hair recolored last Wednesday. A very small consolation in the grand scheme of things, but it definitely served as a reminder of how kind my friend group is. It was good to be forced to spend time with someone again, even though I really wasn't up for it at first.

Let's hope winter vacation will bring some peace and quiet.