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im honestly really suprised that im enjoying writing stuff sm
i kinda miss getting my thoughts down onto something, without needing to worry about my hand hurting from cramps when writing with a pen or pencil.
now, this wont be very important thoughts, but just random stuff
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so, i have a math test next period, and every single time i get a math test SPECIFICALLY, i barely pass it.
though, i did make sure to study beforehand, so im hoping i can do it. its just that- chances are really...really low.
i genuinely cant recall a time where i have always felt really confident in math, mainly because that side of me doesnt exist, at all. if i had to say another subject that i suck at, it would probably be science, because SOMEBODY thought it was a smart ass idea to put numbers and math into there too, which for some reason, is like throwing water onto a working computer.
im hoping one day i could possible get better.
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im worried that possibly making something so innocent and silly like YTP's could get me in trouble.
I KNOW, crazy thought, its deadass just a ytp. A YOUTUBE. POOP. IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS.
but, with making any sort of craft, arent there rules?
its a bit odd to ask, because many things can be concidered one thing or even multiple things, but does that apply to a YTP? or is there a defined box.
i feel like my YTP's are more like "but i edited it" Videos from how my current one is going, and it makes me hesitant that eventually, they might not even be good enough to post.
again, like i said, i started doing it as a hobby to get my mind off of things i dont want to deal with, but what if it starts to be stressful, or standards for myself get too high, or i get too much popularity from something i didnt want?
maybe thats my fault for posting it online
but i doubt it'll happen.
as with most things, they're popular for like 1 month, and die the next. it takes even less time for a youtube video to get 1k and then the next only gets 64 views at most. i dont have huge talent with edititing, which is why currently, im not pressured. im just worried about EVENTUALLY being pressured.
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how do i lean into two interests and love them both equally at once?
vivid question, so let me explain
im Grojband obsessed, but learning about this show makes me wonder if i should explore its way more popular and fleshed out cousin, Total Drama Island.
it would be funny actually, and would bring things full circle, because one of my first huge interests was battle for dream island (BFDI) which was total drama inspired. then again, if i end up liking this show so much, will i even care for Grojband anymore?
its always a fear i have that keeps me from descovering other interests, because if theres something i enjoy more than something else, i usually always drop that thing in order to have a free slot for the other thing.
an example of this has to be Camp Camp for me. a while ago i was OBSESSED with camp camp too, to the point i bought custom Camp Camp pins off etsy, and now, i hardly care for the show at all. its really weird, because i dont know how it happened. from what i can remember, i might have started freshman year, and school took away my interest, but it might have been something else, heck if i could know.
the only fandom that has a CHOKEHOLD on me has to be Friday Night funkin'
no matter how much i stray away, i always end up loving the characters so damn much. along with the music, and the silly little dancemoves they make when they hit the arrows, like, it feels so full of spunk and its like, a huge combination of everything that i feel like relates to me. my dad was always really into hip hop and like crunk when he was younger and would show me a lot of the stuff he did, and it has a similar energy to fnf and allat.
yet, fnf ALSO has cutesy silly art, and actually story and lore, which ended up dragging me in more.
okay- i think im gonna leave class soon so i gotta wrap this up
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honestly, i just gotta write more. making my thoughts and feelings clearer like this is really preventing me from making cutting a weekly activity. i dont have to be alone with my thoughts, and it makes me feel sm better
yea
skibidi toilet
-Cozmite
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