i had a feeling i could be someone

03/12/24

life is much more successfully looked at from a single window 

14 days 

it's ok. people will be there. i'll feel wanted and warm no matter how bleak this winter is. i'm scared i'll get scared. 

i'm making problems where there aren't any. and i told him something i shouldn't have - too honest. an honest mistake. a mistake of honesty. he didn't get it and now i feel like everything we do is too trivial. surface level. like we're both just using eachother. but then again, isn't that all we do at this age. maybe i'm being too cynical again. i just don't know how everyone else manages it and why can't i. 

this problem's gonna last more than the weekend 

i doubt you'll read this and if you do then stop cause you have more important things to do than read the dronings of some seventeen year old girl

and we don't like most modern poetry and sometimes i wonder if you'd like my favourite poem or if you'd get it and there's been some sick irony to my life for too many years so maybe that means that i'm just reading into things now but i need to believe in something. you know what i mean 

seeking attention? call (844) 387-6962

dramatics for the sake of dramatics and causing scenes cause someone's watching 

it could be stopped 

everything feels kind of strange now. like somehow everyone else will leave, graduate, whatever, at the end of the year and i will stay here at this computer reading the same page of the same book forever and yet my body will still grow older. wither. whither 

i'm not appreciating my youth

and i'm not appreciating you 

and i'm not appreciating here

and i'm about to do something important to me and no one else. and no one will see it. and i want someone, anyone, to be there but

and i need to do this by myself and i need to not be scared for once in my life. and i need to feel heard and i need to feel seen and i need to feel like six years of learning has amounted to something, albeit small. and i need to feel like i can do it on my own.

don't you know they're talking about a revolution?

hope you're all ok 

Northern Downpour sends her love