Despite all this... I still have hope!

I still have hope. I really want to get in an university not bcs i want to study in a university but i see it as a step of me escaping the swamp im in. (and the only option other than marrige)

Ive always had this dream to become an artist, no matter in what kind. Since i was a little child i really wanted to do art in every way possible.

I really love any type and kinds of art. Fashion, Music, visual arts, literature...
I love to see how unique and precious each person are when i look at their art. I love seeing meaning in what they create and the expression on any topic that they wanted to shout out.

In one period of my life i had given up on this dream of becoming an artist and tried to think more "realistically"

I convinced myself that i could accept and enjoy what im forced to live in. I convinced myself that i can be happy by choosing the limited amount of options that are given to me. Options that people dont feel the need to demand more and still stay quiet if one of already insufficient options gets taken away.

I never felt more pathetic in my life. Everything started to feel so borring and shallow (i mean it was already like that but even more) 

I WANNA BREAK THE BOARDERS.

Im not doing this on purpose just to be rabel, i dont do anything that i dont feel the need to do.
I just wanna do what i want and wanna break everything that i see as an obsticle on my path.
I cant just sit, accept, sink it in and continue. I wanna shout out. I wanna show people that there is much more out there. A world that is even greater and more enjoyable.

I wanna make them see the other dimention i see. I want to expand their flat minds.

People are so flat. They have flat minds in a flat world and flat dreams. There is another way, there is another path. We can become multidimentional by creating of our own personal seperate paths. We can expand this world. 

I dont wanna force anyone to this mindset tho, all i want is them to respect this mindset of mine. The only thing i would force on someone to accept is that they must respect. I am me and do what i want about myself and you are you and do what you want about yourself and dont force me to be what you want and do what you want about me. 

If you dont like something than dont do it youself instead of hating or abusing on people who do so.
If you dont like being gay dant dont be gay but dont even try to force others to not be gay too.

If youre like a certain religion than have that religion, dont force others to have the same religion too.

If you have a certain beauty standart than only force yourself to fit in that if you really want to, dont body shame others to fit in that standarts too.

Remember, we are all as different as each snowflake.

 dont force me to like and hate the same colors as you do because i am me and you are you.<

ANYWAYS I CHANGED THE TOPIC TOOO MUCHHH

What i wanna say is that, I'm hopefull that ill get in a university, away from my family. Wıll go to karaokes, concerts and parties there and make many friends and hang out with them every day and stary a silly temperory band with some people for me to get used to singing and the music life THENNN on my 3rd year in university ill go to abroad to continue my studying and start to live there permenently and gain social circle there too and form a band than do music and performances and live my best life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really wanna do music, shout out about everything in the most beautiful way possible. I want my melodies to ache people's hearts and make them feel brand new complex and intense emotions.
I wanna see thir smiles on their faces and singing along with me to the songs on lives. ALSOOOO PARTY!!!!!!!! I wanna partyyy and have many friends and have an actual life to remember. I WANT A PHYSİCAL REAL LIFE THAT I CAN SEE, FEEL, SMELL, HEAR AND TASTE on a 3d level

I had enough of the flat life i was forced to live in (its screen, not the flat world i talked about earlier.) I wanna feel my own dimention.