THEY FALL WITH NO SOUND

 I feel like skinning myself alive and watching TV. last night I sat on the floor and did my makeup for 3 hours.. its been my silent obsession for 2 years now and its become a part of me.. I love it. I can’t wake up and just walk outside like most people.. I cant let anyone into my life or even my house without makeup. it’s the horror of beauty which swallows my vanity and forced me to be what I could never say in words.. black holes and wet-bleeding lips are what makes me myself. Makeup. screaming until my throat hurts and smearing it all across my face is my idea of realty and truth. but its not for everyone. its sacred to me.. so personal. its what I use to cover up my insanity. it’s a disguise for all the lies everyone stabs me with. someone better put me in history before I explode all over the place. I wish everyone could understand why I coat myself with colors, why I cover my eyes in black and glitter.. why I don’t feel clear. but why should anyone understand? I’m a hypocrite. I don’t want anyone near me. to touch me. to feel me. like I’ve said before, I’m not social and I don’t like interacting with other people of my existence. its time to wash away my sins and live in regret. please join me.