H E R

LMAO I've made so many bulletins about wanting to text her but being too much of a loser to text her.

I wanna text her but I just get so nervous because of the possibilities that may happen after, like she may ignore the text, or she may have deleted my number and may say "who is this?", or she may say something else. And if she says any of that or something else i'll definitely be embarrassed about it because I want it to go well, I wish for it to go well, I mean I understand if it doesn't because not everything goes our way which is okay - I just need to accept the outcome of what may happen after if I text her. I keep thinking "what if" which makes me more scared but then that just pushes me away from texting her. If i want to do something sometimes I just need to do it scared because if I don't I could be missing out on something, or who knows maybe nothing, WHO KNOOWSS!!!! Anything could happen basically, and if it goes good or bad it'll be okay, i'll be okay. I don't really have much to lose and it's not like I see her often, so either way I'll be okay. BUT LIKE UAGH FUCK!! I want to text her but I'm like so nervous that I can't. 

I miss her and I wish to talk to her and I yearn to see her again, I ache to be near her again, but we didn't work out before. I don't know.. like we both agreed it may be best to be friends but we then kinda stopped talking. I wish we could've worked something out but I guess we just.. didn't? I don't know. But it's been a while since we've talked so I don't know what she thinks, I don't know what she thinks about me or if she misses me every now and then or like what, and I guess that's another reason as to why i'm nervous to text her. I kinda want to know her thoughts, but I can't so that makes me a bit more conflicted. 

I know to do things while scared, but it's like how do I do it while scared? How do I do it while i'm scared of the outcome? How how hoowwwww????

Sigh.. maybe I will text her later tonight while the world is asleep. Sometimes I have more confidence to do things when it's night time. but maybe.. we will see.