★ blog entry 002 - rollercoster ☣︎

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hi!! erm new blog entry!!! just a quick warning i'll discuss some possibly triggering content below so i'll put the warnings and all :3

ohhh to live life as intensely and joyously as this man does....

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

> school shenanigans 

okay so i think it's getting better at school. im still far behind m classmates, but at least i feel myself progressing, and i'm quiet proud about some of the shit i've done :3 i might post them here, eventually, if you guys are interested. we also had this MASSIVE workshop/project where during two weeks we had to invent a planet and how it worked and shit and make advertisement for it. i was scared at first since i didn't know the people i've been paired with but it ended up going well. minus point because because we had to use a lot of AI to generate images. i know it can be useful in some fields, but man, fuck AI in art schools. i got to design a fully functioning website for it so that was very cool :3 the webdesign was a bit out of my comfort zone but it's done and proudly handmade in raw html css ;3 best part is that we got a really good grade for the whole project!!!! like its so amazing for me considering all my grades were way below average.

okay so now i wanted to talk about stuff that may be triggering. like, mentions of suicide (not about me directly dw) and shit. if you're not feeling it, click HERERERE please !

> shit happened

okay so this is going to be some heavy venting here. i won't go into details for your sake and for privacy reasons, but i have this friend since the beginign of middle school who moved out a couple years ago to the other side of the country but be chat practically everyday. and those last few weeks i knew he had a lot of mental issues. and at some point one evening i was scrolling through shit on youtube shorts and i noticed that he sent me a message a dozen minutes ago. a long message. something that started like 'sorry bro you're my best friend and i love you and'. it was like the scariest moment of my life. i was in tears when i called him, and he only picked up after a long while. i managed to get him to go back home but he repeated a couple of time that i shouldn't have called him, and every time i cried on the phone he would audibly blame himself. now since then he's gotten a bit better, but i still think about it every day and like. how i could have lost my best friend that day.

another thing is that im really not sure how serious it is, but the girl i have a crush on and another friend have this banter/bet/competition about who between the two is gonna kill herself first. i cant tell them how much i care about them. i know im fucked up too and unstable, but i want to live and i dont want anyone to die.

again, im sorry for the really heavy venting. i've just had nobody irl to talk about this and it's been weighing heavy on my mind.

> love?????

okay so the girl i have crush on i've spoke about a couple of time here. i think i might have a chance? i've barely ever been in love in my life. like twice and they barely count. i've never been with someone like that. and i've been touch repulsed most of my life. but with her, we always hold hands or playfully fight or flirt. she carried me princess style once. she's so beautiful even if she doesn't think so and i want to hold her and the sun feels warmer on my skin when i think about her. i know that she believes in soulmates, in a one-love life. but i want to be the one for her. i don't even know if i can. i feel so blissful when i think about her. chat i may got rizz.

> misc