mind rant pt2

hello again darlings, im going to bring you up to speed about how my life has been, for a class mate prospective, if anyone even payed that much attention to me during school fuck if i know. 

kindergarten: friendly, stubborn, unsure, emotional.

year one: confident, friendly, funny, playfull.

year two: confident, goofy, funny, energetic.

year three: confident  goofy, funny, energetic, playfull.

year four: funny, silly, stubborn, defensive.

year five: funny with friends, stubborn, shy defensive.

year six: shy, stubborn, defensive, silly with friends.

year seven: rude, bitchy, shallow, annoying.

year eight: quiet, rude, annoying, nervous.

year nine: quiet, shy, nervous.

year ten: nervous, quiet, shy, 

year eleven: nervous, shy quiet, funny with friends.

year twelve: shy, nervous, scared.

If only it were that simple. I’m supposed to be in Year 12, but instead, I’m doing Grade 10—again, for the millionth time. Back in Grade 7, COVID hit Canada, and near the end of the year, we started doing school from home. I’d sit at my desk every morning, working on school from my laptop. At the end of Grade 7, we got to "graduate" and receive awards, but instead of a ceremony, we had a pizza party in the gym with our families, all six feet apart. That didn’t bother me much; it was just a little sad, but that’s about it.

Then came Grade 8, and it got worse. My teenage years feel like a complete blur. After Grade 8, I developed a fear of going to school. Social anxiety became overwhelming after just a couple of months of being back in person. I ended up deciding to homeschool through an online program. I stuck with it for the rest of the year, but I didn’t actually do any schoolwork. I submitted a few things at the start, but after the first month, I spent the rest of the year in my room, drinking Peace Tea, scrolling on TikTok, and doing nothing. since then ive been in and out of school. homeschooling, not homeschooling. ive done this 4 times. now we fully realize that this is never going to work.