I have a crush (a big one 💔)

It really sucks to know no guy is gonna have a crush on me like ever! I just want to feel pretty like actually pretty, I want a guy to tell me it not a middle age woman that is just saying to appear nice in front of mom!! I hate how I look, am not ugly but in no means am I pretty, am lower then mid, and my friends are so pretty so I just end up looking like a rat next to them, worst thing off all, am flat chested so I feel like I look like a man whit long hair and guess what, PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME THAT I LOOK LIKE A GUY WHIT LONG HAIR I hate it smmmm, I don't care that they dint meant it in a mean way or said it as a joke it still affected my mental health and how I look at myself. Sometimes am like "no am definitely pretty" but then I think about it again and stare at myself in the mirror and realize no guy is ever going to find me attractive, I want to cry but I know that crying because of that is stupid, its better to just accept it and move on even if it hurts.

But about what I was saying of guys never liking me, I have a crush on this one guy or well had but am still not fully over it, he's really cute, he's tall, wears glasses and has nice skin and hair, he was an old friend of mine since I use to live supper close to his house when I was like 7 to 10ish, I have never felt attraction or any other type of crush feeling troughs him, but when my mom visited his mom some time ago and I saw him again, he was cute like really cute! I had seen him before and I knew how he looked but I still felt that and I still don't know why, but when we were all talking he said that he liked a girl, wish made some sense since my sisters had mentioned him being around a girl one time, so I immediately knew who he was talking about, I didn't mentioned anything about it obviously, but my crush for him grew even if I wasn't talking to him, I mean it had gotten to the point were I have had DREAMS bout him!! nothing perverted of course, he was only in the background and didn't even liked me in the dreams wish is kinda sad but whatever.       I saw him not so long ago and I wanted to make a conversations whit him but I only managed to say hi to him and his friends since he was in the way were I was walking thru, I originally wanted to get Instagram to ask him for his user but my mom didn't let me install the app (something wish am still upset about) but just asking for his user might have been to obvious and direct but I want to get close to him, be his friend again but I know I can't, since I see him like one time a year plus my mom would never let me get that close to a boy sadly. But I can't help but feel like a pervert or a creep by feeling whit way, especially when I start having dream's about him flirting or just simply talking to me, I mean the poor boy has a crush on this other girl and someone who you haven't been close to since you were like 8 starts having dreams about because of much they have a crush on you, its weird, am weird, this whole crush is weird I have convinced myself that he could never be able to like me since he's already in love whit someone else, I have broken my onw heart by knowing the truth and the reality that comes whit it, he's a sweet and nice guy I honestly do hope that he finds someone special or even marries the girl he has a crush on, he was my friend so I wish him nothing but the best and I hope I can get over this stupid crush of mine. 

(holly crap I yapped so much!)