Report Blog Entry
11.30 diary entry
im so pathetic, i mean like imagine being so stupid and alone that you end up falling in love with someone only cause their words? there goddamn words!!! why can’t i just find someone i actually can see, i can love, i can touch, i can hold, i can kiss, i can go on walks with, anybody. i don’t believe in god, but if there really is one, i want him to help me.. what am i doing wrong? is it me? or am i inpatient..i dont know,, i just really want a shoulder to cry on. i have been dreaming my whole entire life of someone, because i know i can’t live on my own. if i do, however — i’d just be stuck with a sad office job, my life would be lonely forever. and i would die alone!!! i don’t want that, i really really really don’t fucking want that.. im so desperate honestly, i couldn’t even care less if it’s wrong to love. i want that feeling, but it might be wrong of me too have it,, im only using it as a way to fill the empty void within me. i need that emotion, i need that type of feeling and thrill of ataraxia, its my everything itself. i want it so badly. they can help me, right? they can comfort me, and i know i will give them the same. i want to hold someone. i want it i want it i want it i want it i want it i want it. however, i have an issue… i always fall out of love if they reciprocate the same type of love, or show any sign. it disgust me. i know im disgusting for doing the same. im sorry, i really am. i could spend hours writing on a online diary, i really could. my love life is so shitty, i want to escape from this horrible world forever with a person besides me. i love it when they don’t want me back. i absolutely love it, and i can’t tell why :( and i know everybody has their own desires. i don’t want sex, unless that’s what you need. its just how the human species work, correct? it’s all a majority of people ever want in the middle of the night at one o’clock am. sex desires and playing stupid games. i can’t find anyone. anyone at all, and i’ve accepted that for the rest of my life. i don’t believe in love anymore. maybe it’s only just a passing feeling of lust.. someone, anyone in the world. please show me im wrong?
12.03
sooo…who wants to give me a sweater :3 /nsrs (unless ur serious im down actually please)
Comments
Displaying 3 of 3 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
izzyyyy
idk but try to drink a whole can of sprite without burping, thats the real challenge
Misu
Love yourself before you love someone.
francis, fran
words from a random 17 y/o. sorry i wrote so much lol i just relate and had a lot to say
there was a period of time where relationships were the focus of my life. like i just went through one after another looking for "love" as a solution to my problems. all i got were affection, emotional wreckage, and distractions from myself. so i spent some time away from love life and spent more time making good friends and working on myself. like, trying to figure out how to make myself happy on my own. not in complete isolation, but without a partner. it's been a year and i'm still not done with that. but until then i don't think i'm "ready" for love.
i don't think you're wrong or invalid for wanting affection and comfort. or for wanting a partner that can be there for you. or for the feeling of belonging to someone, and having them as your own. this is not "just lust." it's not wrong to love, but it isn't really right to enter a relationship just looking for comfort, even if it's given both ways.
love is a super abstract term and i hate it. i think you're looking for the feeling of being in love, not love itself. like yes, affection and genuine care is a part of love, but if you're just looking for ataraxia you're better off taking a break from romance. love is not a solution to problems. you still need emotional support from others (friends), but not from love because lovers don't always care about you that much and because love itself is too taxing.
i think if i entered a relationship right now it would crash like those trains from before americans discovered timezones because i would revert to all the old habits of dependence and needs and the other person would NOT have signed up for that. and i wouldn't be able to support the other person thoroughly because i'm already a mess everyday.
anyways
i'll (maybe) give you a sweater. i only have a few though and i really like them. so at best i'd let you borrow a sweater.
ur so cool ong THANKK U SM like genuinely im so happy i found someone who relates and understands what i mean by those reads, it’s refreshing to see another pov and I genuinely love this advice sm
i hope u live a long and fulfilling life, and ill promise to attempt to follow ur advice w a break ^^
by yin <3; ; Report
yoooo :)
by francis, fran; ; Report