this isnt being parasocial...RIGHT??

I genuinely can't do it anymore..I dont even know if its called a crush?? Ive been going crazy over this one cosplayer... and I feel so disgusted with myself everytime my brain makes up scenarios and imagine things im not suppose to like it may be fine with fictional characters but this is A REAL PERSON!!!!!..I KNOW ITS BAD I KEEP REPEATING TO MYSELF TO STOP...it just cant leave my brain. Hes so ??? Handsome, cute, so cool especially his interests and he does arttt...BUT ITS JUST HIS LOOKS RIGHT?? OBVIOUSLY LIKE WHY ELSE WOULD I LIKE HIM?? but even without his makeup and cosplay hes so ... I HATE MYSELF I CANT DO THIS, THIS WILL GO AWAY EVENTUALLY RIGHT? OF COURSE IT WILL IT ALWAYS DOES. . . What made it worse is when i saw his insta...his irl stuffs..HES TOO COOL AND EVERYTHING AAAAA STOP ME PLS I HATE THIS ALL AM I EVEN STILL AROMANTIC?? okok its definitely the looks nothing else, hah as long as i keep this to myself it wont get worse right? Haha plus its not like ill do anything THIS IS SIMPLY AN ADMIRATION RIGHT? IT HAS TO BE WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE. . . But why do i keep thinking of him STALKING HIS PAGE THIS HAS TO STOP THIS IS DISGUSTING, GROSS, FUCKING WEIRD..how do i stop this all i hate it all why cant it just stop in an instant...