sgnensvsisnns

Ii'm so tired of myself. i'm so worthless, and no matter how hard i try everyone will still be better than me, even in the things i 'm most proud of. i am so sick of my own existence. i see that my grades have worsrened slightly, even though i.try very hard. My mother tells me not to work myseelf up, that i shouldn’t worry so much about grades, but when she sees that im not succeeding in something,i see this disappointed look, and that’s why i am so ashamed. i have no one to talk to, my sisters will think that what i feel is not serious,my moth.er thinks the same, i have no friends outside of school, and no matter how much i lie to myself that loneliness is not so bad, it devours me. i  have almost given up on a social life, even though I really love to communicate, igo outside for more than 10 minutes about once every few months,no one tries to get to know me, i am afraid to go to the store, even though I either use an electronic cash register or talk to the seller minimally. o'm afraid of other people. i just rot in my room lying in bed or watching YouTube sitting at the computer. thoughts of suicide haunt me more and more often

i recently realized, imagining myself as someone else, that even if i looked like my beautiful classmate, or like a celebrity, i would not love myself. i just hate who i am.